Every workday morning of my entire adult life, I’ve driven to the same place. I’m no spring chicken, so that’s A LOT of mornings.
What started out as a small high-tech company that no one had heard of has grown into a billion-dollar business.
And I grew with it. From an 18-year-old intern to a marketing professional and a mother with two happy, healthy girls.
For the last 18 years, my co-workers have been like a second family to me. At the high points, they celebrated right alongside me. When the hard stuff hit – loss and grief, career struggles, divorce – they listened.
And so even though I’ve already told my close friends and sent an email at work, my eyes still feel hot as I get to this next part.
Friday, October 31, will be my last day at the only job I’ve ever had.
Due to company restructuring, my position simply won’t exist anymore.
I was lucky. They gave me the opportunity to pursue another position at the company.
That other job was completely different than what I currently do. Still, it would have been the easy choice. The logical next step. You lose a job, you find another one ASAP.
But I searched every nook and cranny of my heart and soul. And the answer kept coming back: If not now, when?
What My Soul Had to Say About It
Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a writer when I grew up.
In fifth grade, I was supposed to write a story that was two pages long. I wrote 20. (It was a total ripoff of The Goonies, but whatever.)
For the last year and a half, I’ve been writing here, on this web site. As a recovering perfectionist, I write about how to be a good parent (and other stuff) without being so hard on yourself. I write about accepting mistakes. I write about those delicious compromises that crop up at the intersection of perfect and good enough.
A few weeks ago, a mom found my post A Quick Fix for a Pouting Kid, and she sent me this:
“I love the article. I’m trying to become a more positive parent. I’m trying to be different than my mother but I see myself behaving just like her. I want to stop yelling, hitting. I want to be more patient, on my phone less, and more engaged with my kids…my kids are behaving the same way I behave and I want to stop this. This article helped me understand that I don’t have to yell or hit.”
This mom gave me the gift of courage. I thought of her kids, and how their lives will change. This mom reminded me that words have power to change people for the better.
So I’m jumping off into the deep end.
I’m turning this writing thing into my real, actual job. In other news, I’m scared out of my MIND.
Starting this November, I’ll be a full-time blogger.
Here’s what that really means: I’ll no longer be staying up until one o’clock in the morning to write because there was no other time in the day.
I’m pretty excited about more time for writing, but I’m absolutely GIDDY about getting more sleep.
The last few weeks as I’ve struggled with this decision, one song has been on repeat in my car and at my desk: On Top of the World.
When I feel my courage slipping away and that voice in the back of my head starts telling me this is crazy and I should have kept a steady paycheck, I turn this song on full blast and let the words wash over me.
“I’ve had the highest mountains
I’ve had the deepest rivers
You can have it all but life keeps moving
I take it in but don’t look down
‘Cause I’m on top of the world
I’m on top of the world
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile
Been holding it in for a while
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world”
Here I am, at the top of the roller coaster.
Now I just need to take a deep breath and enjoy the ride.
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I’m about to have some extra time on my hands! What do you want me to research for you and write about? Share your thoughts in a comment below!