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11 Comments

  1. I’m sorry, but that is your Hulk moment??? Let me tell you mine. My 6 yr old child screamed at the top of her lungs this morning that she didnt want to brush her teeth. I patiently sat there holding her toothbrush in hand, waiting for her to blow it off. We had 10 minutes before we had to leave for school. I told her that it was important to take care our teeth….she comes and stomps on my foot and screams in my face. My initial reaction was to smack her in the mouth. My mom and my dad have done that to me and I felt extremely guilty afterwards. I didnt have my husband around to tell me to calm down. after the smack, my child screams and runs off. I scream. she screams. I scream. She screams…..I felt the veins bulge out of my neck, like the Hulk. Now tell me, when I have less then 10 mins before leaving school and dealing with a tired 6 year old who fights and argues every word you say, when will I have time to pick up a doll and rock it?? We all have bad mommy moments. Stomping off after having to get up from what you”re doing, isn’t a anger issue, That’s being interrupted, and being frustrated. I have those moments too. Everyone in my house can’t find things and I’m constantly having to find everything for them. It’s that brink moment of frustration that has peaked and after being on your wits end with a child who has respect issues, THAT can bring on anger problems. I like your idea, but it wouldn’t help in the moments that are being rushed.

    1. I totally agree, I can not imagine being stressed over the baggie episode.. Much worse things happens to every parent per hour!
      If I have to grab a doll for every time that my kids do not find something I would need to be caring the doll with a “baby bjorn”

    2. Stephanie says:

      I’ve been there as well, physically hurt my daughter out of anger and felt so full of shame afterwards. I don’t believe the point of this blog entry is to focus on the little things your kids do (like not being able to “see”) and I don’t think it’s about the doll either. I believe the point is to learn how to calm down when you’re angry, learn how to take a few minutes and reset to a more patient and reasonable mood.

      I have a 6 year old and mornings are
      f r u s t e r a t i n g. I think I’ve even had the toothbrush thing happen. Sometimes the only way I can stop from “Hulking” out is to literally remove myself from the room, escape to the next room. Run if I have to! It’s more important to love our children then it is to have our anger validated. For me, there is no time in the morning to decompress. I just have to move on. If my kid won’t brush her teeth, I move on and come back to a consequence later. She thinks she’s gotten away with it, but her lack of dessert after dinner will remind her of her wrong decision. This also teaches me that things are not as big of a deal as I think they are, and I don’t need to jump down my kid’s throat. That helps eliminate anger right there. A quiet, but swift word leaves a stronger impression on your child than you would think.

      I think this blog post opens a door to a new idea of emergency decompressing. So it doesn’t have to be a doll. And it doesn’t have to be for every little annoyance. Start with your biggest triggers and chip away at those and you’ll find other little triggers are lessened as well.

    3. Tell me about these situations. i have a 12 year old with ODD, a 10 year old with ADHD and a 6 year old who is really good at learning from her siblings. *sigh* – but it tought me to learn calming techniques. I still feel like Hulk – but my coworkers at work tell me they never met a person staying that calm in emergencies. (i still feel like hulk though … )
      Calming and activating your vagus system: Count your breathing: five times breathing in – five times hold – five times breathing out. Do it like 10 times. Anywhere. Even in the car. (I am a recovering road rage victim :) ) There are a million ways of counting “right ” – but I guess it’s just about the counting anyway,. It does help. Serisously

    4. Go to bed earlier and wake up earlier!

  2. I have a 2nd grader too and a 2 year old and a newborn less than 2 weeks old. Husbands on night shift. I am tired! Kids are bored. We moved into this house 3 weeks ago and all items of all sorts are lost. All I can do is get under a heavy blanket for 20 minutes and space out if I’m going to survive this. Tried getting to church– no dice. God, help us.

  3. You know What? I love this idea. I’m a stay at home mom and I homeschool four kids. If I’m honest, there have been times where I have gotten angry over my kids not being able to see something right in front of them. I may not always have time to pick up a doll and rock it, but maybe we Should? Why not? If it will stop my irrational anger towards my child? Thank you for this thought.

  4. Thank you for sharing. I actually love this idea. I think the part about this being a way to connect back to your role as a nurturer is really valid. We tend to lose sight of what matters a lot of the time. I think it is true that you may not always have time to do this trick. But even just the thought of rocking your child when they were a baby could help. I am going to use this trick. And I thank you for sharing. Also, I find it helpful to not be so stressed about being late. Morning seems to be a time for much stress but I think if we stopped worrying about being late that might take some of the pressure off. Or if we just accept that we cant get everything done in a day, then we might feel less stressed and okay with being interrupted. There will always be more time to clean or cook or do dishes or make lists or be on time. But our children will not always be small.

  5. Funny i’m Reading this now. Yesterday i almost exploded when my 3 & 4 year old refused to go to bed, while baby was crying. They just kept turning the lights on, playing with their toys etc. when I tried singing, the oldest started singing in pretend language and I almost hit her. Instead I started singing in my own made up language, she giggled and after I asked her about her day she actually calmed down and went to sleep. Sometimes the best thing we can do is give them positive attention. I went back to my crying baby and decided to rock her to sleep. Holding her made all my anger disappear. I never tried holding a doll, but I guess if you pretend it’s your baby it could work :)

  6. I actually love this idea! Yes, I also have much more dramatic issues than the baggie incident, but you hit the nail on the head about reconnecting with our nurturing role. I certainly don’t have time to steal away and rock a baby doll every time one of my boys sends me over the edge, but I can certainly put myself in that place mentally, and quickly reconnect with my greatest role. Thanks for sharing!