Inside: Our fatal error in planning a sleepover party for our 5-year-old daughter? Assuming all her friends from school behave the same way she does.
My girl Abby just turned five on Saturday. Five!
The typical birthday party for her group of friends from school is:
- Everyone meets at a park.
- The parents stand around making awkward small talk while the kids run around crazy.
- At some point, you pull out cupcakes – getting the kids messy and amping up the craziness.
Maybe this makes me a bad parent, but I hate those parties. As we’re driving to them, I always have an internal debate on how short a time I can get away with staying. Two hours? One hour? I’m not above bribing the girl to get her to leave early.
So to make this birthday special and avoid perpetuating the birthday party drag for other parents, we gave into Abby’s requests for a sleepover party.
We said she could invite two other girls from her class. We could manage three girls. That was definitely doable.
But then she said, what about so-and-so? Can I invite her? And we said, sure – what’s one more girl?
And then it was, oh but I really want to invite her too! Pretty please? Heck, the girl only turns five once.
In the end, we invited five girls. Not everyone would be able to make it, after all.
The First Reply
Mom #1 replied within the hour. Can I bring so-and-so’s older sister too? What kind of brute would deny a sisterly bonding opportunity? I said of course!
Mom #2: Yes.
Mom #3: Wow, you’re brave! Yes.
Mom #4: Count us in!
Mom #5. No response.
Okay, we told ourselves. Six girls total. We can do this. It’s just for one night.
Then the day before the sleepover, we got an email. Mom #5 had forwarded the message to Dad #5 who’d have their girl that weekend. Girl #5 was in too.
A Fatal Error in Judgement (Or Two)
When you send an invite for an adult party, you never get 100% acceptance. But what didn’t dawn on us before sending the invite was this: we were offering up a FREE NIGHT OF BABYSITTING. Of course everyone was going to accept.
Lesson learned.
Our other fatal error? Assuming all Abby’s friends from school behave about the same as Abby.
Now, Abby is no perfect angel. I don’t think they make 5-year-olds in that flavor.
And I’m not saying that the other girls were Bratticus Rex. Some of the girls were on their best behavior. But we weren’t quite prepared for the other ones…
1. On Whining
I’ve shared my thoughts on whining before. It’s a natural inclination for kids to whine when they aren’t getting what they want.
But you know what else is natural? Kids crapping their pants.
One little girl whined about EVERYTHING.
She didn’t like the movie Brave, she didn’t want strawberry cupcakes (which happened to be the best I’ve ever tasted), the wood floor was too slippery, she didn’t like the dress she was wearing, someone called her a crybaby (imagine my shock), she didn’t want to go to bed, she wanted to sleep next to so-and-so but still wanted to be in the middle of the bed – and on and on and on.
PLEASE. MAKE IT STOP.
2. On Listening
A handful of the girls got a kick out of running up and down our stairs. I kept an eye on them every now and then to make sure everyone had mastered the art of stairs, and they seemed fine. But as the night went on, their crazy meter spiked.
At one point, I was standing at the top of the stairs, watching a procession of girls run down the stairs. One particularly rambunctious girl lost her footing and started tumbling head first down the stairs.
I nearly had a heart attack. Visions of broken necks and lawsuits flashed in front of me. The girl was fine, but I couldn’t take a chance on it happening again.
So I corralled all the girls back upstairs and grabbed a baby gate from the closet to put at the top of the stairs.
Picture me, 7 months pregnant, standing at the top of the stairs, trying to maneuver a cheap baby gate closed. You know, one of those baby gates that won’t close until you pull it out from the wall, and then it closes perfectly – but the minute you put it back in position, it gets stuck with the bar halfway up.
The girl who tumbled down the stairs walks to where I am. We’ll call her Drusilla.
Drusilla tries to pull the baby gate, which is currently being held up by me, away from the wall so she can squeeze through and go back downstairs.
Me: “You may not go downstairs. We’re staying upstairs now.”
Drusilla looks at me with an impish smile. And shoves me.
I lose my grip on the baby gate, and it tumbles down the stairs. A fleeting thought registers that I’m glad the baby gate went down and not me.
And then that fleeting thought turns to anger. She PUSHED me. A grown-ass adult.
So just as she’s starting to head down the stairs after the baby gate, I pick her up under her armpits and carry her to the next room – even though I’m not exactly supposed to be dead-lifting 40 lbs at the moment.
Luckily, in the time I carried Drusilla away from the stairs, my partner had already rescued the baby gate from downstairs and got it back in place.
Here’s what hit me later, after the adrenaline dissipated: Generally, kids listen to direct requests from adults they don’t know very well – even BETTER than when they’re with their parents. This wasn’t the first instance that night that Drusilla disobeyed a direct, clear order. If she didn’t listen to us at all, I hope that doesn’t mean she NEVER listens to her parents.
Speaking of parents…
3. On Nosiness
One dad showed up to drop off his girl, and as soon as she ran off to play, he said, “My training is in architecture, do you mind if I have a look around?”
Me: “Sure.”
Usually when someone asks that, they wait for a tour by the homeowner. But no.
The dad started wandering through the house before I could catch up to him. Into our master bedroom and bathroom (which I hadn’t exactly cleaned for touring purposes before the party), downstairs where no one else was at the moment, opening hall closets, into the laundry room – EVERYWHERE.
Really?
4. On Timeliness
We told all the parents the kids would be ready to pick up at 9:00 am on Sunday morning. By 10:00 am, we still had three unclaimed girls in the house.
I got a phone call at 10:15 from a dad:
“Hi Kelly, I’m just now waking up. It’s going to take me about 45 minutes to wake up all the way, and then I need to grab some coffee. Is 11:00 or 11:30 okay?”
Me: “Actually, we have lunch plans, so 11:00 would work best so we aren’t late.”
“Okay, see you then.”
Then at 10:30, I get a text from a mom:
“We’re running a little late.”
Me: “We have plans for lunch, when do you think you’ll be here?”
“15 minutes or less.”
Me: “Sounds good.”
The mom didn’t show up til 11:00.
Dad called again at 11:05:
“There are lots of broken down cars today, and traffic’s really bad. I just wanted to let you know I’m running late.”
Me: “When do you think you’ll be here?”
“Maybe 15 minutes.”
45 minutes later, he pulls into our driveway. We had that girl all packed up and ready to go, so we shoved her out the door before he even got to our front porch.
Did You Guess?
The girl who didn’t listen and the one who wasn’t happy with anything? Their parents were the late ones.
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Your Turn
Got any kid sleepover horror stories? Let’s commiserate in the comments below.
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omigod. i will NEVER host a sleepover. or…maybe not until my kids are in their teens. i can only imagine you needed a couple days of vacation to recover from that.
Lori, you hit the nail on the head! On Monday as I was driving into work, I felt like I needed another weekend to recover.
Yeah … note to self: Remember Kelly Holmes’ sleepover party experience.
Yes, yes, please do! I like Stephanie’s version of a “sleepover.” I will definitely just do one-girl sleepovers from here forward!
OMG at that little shit who pushed you. We have had one of Ryan’s friends “sleep over,” and by that I mean they both go to sleep together while we’re watching him as his parents see a movie or something, and they pick him up late at night. That’s as close as I’ve gotten to a real sleepover. Also, please tell me you put a camera somewhere to record Tyler’s reactions to all of this.
Ah, I only wish I’d set up a camera! Tyler was downstairs when he heard the baby gate come crashing down, and the look on his face when he came around the corner to look up the stairs was….priceless.
Oh, here’s a fun tidbit – We went to a birthday party for one of Abby’s friends this weekend, and Drusilla and her parents showed up. When her mom walked in, she wouldn’t look me in the eye. So either she came across this blog post (unlikely) or lovely little Drusilla told her something of what happened that night. Ha!
It’s currently 12.22am and I’m still trying to settle four hyper 7 year old girls. It doesn’t seem to matter what I say, how much I beg, or threaten with bedroom separation, they just won’t go to sleep!!
Never again. Two of the girls were actually pretty good, just a few minor hiccups, easily solved. But this one kid – OMG! She sounds similar to your Drusilla kid. She always has a complaint and when things don’t go her way, she throws a tantrum, sits in the corner crying, screaming she wants to go home. I think she’s thrown close to 10 of these ‘episodes’ tonight. And I’m almost certain she’s the main reason the girls are still awake.
I’m tired, I’m angry and never NEVER ever again am I having 3 extra girls. Next time, IF there’s a next time will be strictly limited to one kid ans one kid only.
Annette, oh my goodness. Your comment took me right back to that night. They wouldn’t sleep! I’m definitely going with your approach next time – one kid per sleepover.
that really helped me thank you so much
So happy to hear that! Thank you for stopping by. :-)
So, I’m currently planning a birthday party for my soon-to-be nine-years old daughter, and I happened across the “Ways to Avoid Whining” post – which led me to this.
At the top of the theme list, I’ve written “sleepover.” I read this post and immediately shook my head, laughed and SCRIBBLED IT OUT so deliberately that I tore the paper.
We have hosted sleepovers with just two friends before (both of whom would – of course – be invited to this party as well!), and somehow I’d forgotten the broken ceiling fan light globe, the flip in food preferences after it had been ordered, delivered and SERVED, and – of course – the parental encounters.
THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!!! We will be having an evening party instead, and only the friend coming from out-of-town will be sleeping over.
WHEW!!!!
Jess, well that was a close one! I’m glad this jogged your memory to sleepovers of yesteryear so you were able to change your plans. :-)
Thank YOU for the chuckle this afternoon. I loved the image of you scribbling out “sleepover” and tearing the paper!!
I had my first sleepover when I was 6. It was only me, and I was a weird 6 year old. I remember starting a conversation with my friend’s parents over the NEWS and if they were worried that there was a war in their home country, and so on. I also remember eating everything they gave me for dinner, even though I wasn’t too keen on the mango because I thought it was too sweet. We’re still best friends. It was always just two of us, until she had her ninth birthday party where there were 6 of us. We were all relatively well behaved, apart from 1 girl, who happens to be one of our best friends. She went home in the middle of the night, because she’s scared of the dark and until the age of 10 or 11, got scared at sleepovers. For my 11 birthday, she, the girl who I mentioned earlier and my other best friend came for a sleepover, and it was fine, only the one who’s scared of the dark left before we went to sleep. Since then, she’s been fine, as long as you don’t completely shut the door. I guess what I’m saying, is gradually get to the numbers- regularly, the four of us have sleepovers, sometimes with extra people there. Gradually, and you’ll get there, just pick who carefully and make sure you know if they’re scared of the dark! :D
I know this is old, but I started looking up sleepovers on the web since tonight my 6 yo daughter is having her very first friend spend the night. Her friend is the whiner, through and through. And the one that pees herself – she peed herself last playdate, and judging by the number of outfits packed for this one overnight, this is a regular thing with her. That whiney little voice and the pouty little attitude when she doesn’t get what she wants even though we are all bending over backwards for her (to the detriment of my own girl!!!!). She doesn’t want to sleep in the bed we have for her, she wants to sleep in my daughter’s bed – my daughter wants to sleep alone, so she agreed to sleep on the trundle instead. After that was settled she started crying because she wanted the stuffed animal my daughter was planning on sleeping with. Then she wanted to go home…if the parents didn’t tell me ahead of time that they were going away for the night, she’d be in her own bed right now.
Oh man! I feel for you, mama. It made me smile to see that you managed to find some small silver lining though. :-) Hope you’ve recovered from your sleepover drama!
I guess my mum is
Lucky I’m 12! Imagine her trouble
I just had a sleepover for my 7 year old. She invited 3 girls.At 11pm after winging and winning about everything…want lights no lights….home sick…i simply told the girls that i would be happy to call their parents to take them home and so i did!
I was shocked to find out just how manipulative and annoying other people kids are!
I guess, when you are friends with their parents you are me forgiving….
OH MY GOD THANK YOU
I’m not the only one with horror sleepover stories. Our 7yo went for a sleepover to a friends house and the next day told us he had wanted to phone us BUT THE PARENTS HAD LEFT THE HOUSE and left the kids with the neighbor who we had never met and who didn’t have our phone number!! I was so angry! And the lateness OMG the lateness!! And parents asking “Can you just keep them till 5?” On Saturday… hell no, woman, your kid is a nightmare. We have had kids blatantly look at you and do exactly what you just said not to do and it makes me want to kill them. We had a kid start screaming and crying because he didn’t want to go home. For 45 minutes. He wanted “a souvenir” of the sleepover. Please tell me they grow out of this – they are 7…
Currently 2:21am, not sure if the girls are asleep (last checked at 1AM and they still weren’t) but I found this to be wholly entertaining as we have had so many similar things happen with our 7 year old and her 4 friends. I never thought being outnumbered like this would be so difficult. My daughter did tell me she was going to stay up all night, so maybe they will sleep in? Here’s to hoping… Thank you for the laughs!
You are clearly a much better person than me as my post would have been a much bigger rant! Go you, I think that the parents who turned up so late to collect their children were totally disrespectful and if that is how they respect other adults then it is clear to see that their children will grow up to demonstrate a similar lack of respect. It shouldn’t matter if your play group is small and these parents know who are talking about, it’s their job to install manners and good behaviour in their children as a spiteful child pushing an adult at 5 screams warning bells! The issue here is not your post, you hit a nerve and to those parents who have chosen to critique instead of lashing out at this lady maybe you should look at your parenting techniques, it’s YOUR job to installl manners and respect in your children, the world is full of ‘little shits’ we don’t need anymore!