When you’re a parent, from the moment you swing your legs out of bed in the morning and your feet hit the floor, you have to be on. Side-stepping power struggles, taming temper tantrums, refereeing sibling scuffles. Making healthy(ish) meals, keeping up with dishes and laundry, tripping over toy clutter.
Survival mode, pure and simple.
But after you tuck your kids in and make it to the finish line of collapsing on your couch, you can’t help but wonder…
Why does everything have to be a fight?
Why won’t they just listen to me?
If it’s like this now, how in the world will we survive the teenage years?
And as if that weighing on your heart wasn’t enough, the daily grind of parenting life has left zero gas in your tank at the end of the day to take care of you. “Self care” is just One More Thing to add to your overflowing to-do list, and honestly, all you have energy for is mindless Netflix with a side of Ben & Jerry’s.
But it doesn’t have to be like this.
Because I believe you can find happiness in the chaos of parenting life.
“THANK YOU! Your book helped pull us from unfocused chaos with two wild three-year-olds to more focused, happier, slightly-more-systematic chaos with two nearly-four-year-olds that have some healthier habits. There’s still chaos but also a lot more awesomeness now. You’ve made a huge difference to me and to our family.”– Chris
Hello! I’m Kelly Holmes.
I’m a mom of four, a Certified Parent Educator, and the author of a book called Happy You, Happy Family.
I believe that when you’re stretched too thin, the last thing you need is someone dumping more “should”s in your lap. (Which is why this community is a No Should-ing Zone!)
And yet, if you want to nurture a loving parent-child relationship that will last into the teenage years and beyond, the time for nurturing that kind of relationship is now.
I believe with a few small tweaks, you can build a home your kids will want to come home to – without having to sacrifice your own personal needs.
“Kelly, I can’t even explain how special this message is. The timing is perfect. …Thank you for shining light on a very healthy way to encourage my kids and heal my heart at the same time.”– Stacey
Credentials and education
- Certified Parent Educator :: Positive Discipline Association :: 2021 to present (profile here)
- Founder and CEO :: Happy You, Happy Family :: 2012 to present
- Author :: Happy You, Happy Family (book here)
- Postpartum Parent Educator :: Collaboration between Seton Healthcare Network and nonprofits :: 2009-10
- Bachelor of Arts :: The University of Texas at Austin
“I have spent the past month yelling at my kids, crying, hiding from them… [Your] book hit home. You have given me hope at a time when I desperately needed it, and right now that is the best gift I have received this year.”– Michelle
Imagine this for a minute…
The power struggles between you and your child are fewer and further between.
When you ask for help around the house, your child sees it as teamwork, not something to grumble and moan about.
Your relationship is one of mutual love, warmth, and respect. Even when one of you does end up feeling grumpy or irritated, your strong connection serves as a springboard to help you bounce back faster.
And when you collapse on your couch at the end of a long day, you can breathe easy knowing that you filled your child’s tank with unconditional love – without sacrificing yourself in the process.
Find happiness in the chaos of parenting life.
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When you feel like a failure…
After my family welcomed our third little one into the mix, we became a family of five with a second-grader, a toddler, and a newborn. Even though I could have used more sleep and way more coffee, we felt grateful and happy. Then my husband’s paternity leave ended, and I was at home alone with the kids all day, trying to keep everyone fed and happy, nurture my children with love and warmth, and also get a small business off the ground. No biggie, right?
As time wore on, my patience became razor thin. And one day, I just broke. I lost my temper in an epic way. And I felt like a failure.
The shame burns my cheeks just thinking of that day, even now. But thanks to that experience, I realized I had to make a change. I threw myself into researching how to find happiness in the chaos. Something beyond “make time for you” and “exercise more.” Because when you’re overwhelmed and at your breaking point, you don’t need the “experts” telling you more stuff to do on top of everything else.
After hearing from thousands of parents in the same boat as me through this community, I knew I needed to share what I discovered. And so I wrote a book called Happy You, Happy Family, and I devoted this site to helping parents who feel overwhelmed. Parents who don’t know how in the world they’re supposed to fit it all in. Parents who feel like they’re failing.
Because the truth is that you can find happiness in the chaos of parenting life. And you don’t have to set unrealistic expectations for yourself to achieve it. The expectation that you can do it all. That you’ll never lose your temper. That you’ll be the “perfect” parent.
Parenting is hard enough without all the guilt we heap on top of ourselves. So let’s stop trying to be perfect parents and just be real ones.
With a few simple but powerful shifts in how you approach parenting, your child will cooperate more often. You’ll butt heads less often. And you’ll end every day feeling confident you made your relationship with your child even stronger.
“Kelly – thank you for this post. I am a single mom, with a fairly demanding job that luckily allows me to provide for us but leaves me often short of patience and bone tired. And as the mom of a very independent and smart little 4yo girl, I’m not always at my best. Lately I have been struggling to be the mom I would like to be for her.
I read so many articles and talk to fellow moms…but your article was perfect for giving me a concrete tool to help build (or rebuild) the bridge with my beautiful little girl. Your honesty and real stories were amazing. Just wanted to say thank you and keep it up!!”– Amanda
Nurture your relationship right now.
To get started nurturing the kind of close relationship that will stand the test of time – in just 10 minutes a day – grab your own set of our Family Connection Cards.
Not too long ago, I realized that adding “quality time” to my to-do list was just going to stress me out and make me feel even more like a failure.
I needed to put connecting with my children on autopilot. Because if I could make it as automatic for my brain as brushing my teeth, taking a shower, and guzzling that first cup of coffee in the morning, I wouldn’t even have to add it to my to-do list. It would just get done.
Which is how the Family Connection Cards came to be.
Every time you pick a Family Connection Card to do with your child, you show your child they’re important and loved, and you nurture a warm, loving, and respectful relationship.
Regularly filling your child’s connection tank in this way is like an investment that pays dividends for the rest of that day – and for years to come.
“I absolutely love your blog and am so thankful for having found it! Your ideas are always so helpful and doable, and each one I’ve tried implementing has been so beneficial to our family – so thank you!”– Mushky
Build a home your kids will want to come home to.
The time for nurturing that kind of relationship is now. Get my cheat sheet of the 75 most powerful positive phrases you can say to your child to make them feel absolutely loved.