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12 Comments

  1. frugalfamilytimes says:

    It always breaks my heart to hear the struggles of American moms like you, Kelly. Leaving your baby with anyone to go back to work is so painful – but at least Canadians like me have until 1 year – not weeks! No maternity leave, or such a short one – seems like an organized punishment for working moms. I wish there was something better for you.

    I wish you the best on your transition, Kelly. I love the childcare ideas you’ve shared here. We did something similar – after my babysitter quit b/c my daughter cried too much – my friend, who was a sahm of 5 offered to watch her. I got to pay my friend, which helped her out too. Loved that!

    1. Robin, one year sounds like HEAVEN! I don’t know why the US is so behind the times on this.

      Thank you for the well wishes on my transition back.

      It’s so cool to hear that you did something similar to Roo’s solution! What’s up with your babysitter quitting because your daughter cried too much??? Babies cry!

      1. frugalfamilytimes says:

        The babysitter was great on paper and she knew what to say. However, my gut told me she wasn’t right. But, I ignored my gut and told myself that it was just my first time mom jitters and that I just didn’t want to leave my baby with anyone. I have learned to give my gut say in decisions! She was burned out and rigid and lacked compassion. A great, but terrible, lesson for me: Listen to your gut – it has a sense your brain never will! :)

  2. Renee, I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.

    I did not intend to paint all childcare workers in that way. I’m sorry if that’s what you took from what I wrote. My statement was “We know how important
    the bond is between a mother and a baby, but at the arbitrary milestone
    of 12 weeks (or 8, or 2) we act like that bond is a baton you can hand
    off to a stranger like it ain’t no thang. (Often a poorly paid, untrained stranger.)”

    Then I linked to a Washington Post article with this quote: “A 2007 survey by the National Institute of Child Health Development deemed
    the majority of operations to be “fair” or “poor”—only 10 percent
    provided high-quality care. Experts recommend a ratio of one caregiver
    for every three infants between six and 18 months, but just one-third of
    children are in settings that meet that standard.”

    But I can see how the word “often” especially may not be the best word choice, so I will adjust that.

    I totally agree with you that there are some high quality child care centers out there! I’ve had my older daughter in one from the time she was a baby. But I do think there are a lot of low-quality child care options out there, and many moms end up choosing that because they just don’t have another option. The high-quality centers are often expensive and outside the realm of possibilities for many working moms who are barely making ends meet to start with.

    Thank you again for stopping by to share your perspective. Please do come back to share more – it’s so refreshing to have an open and honest dialogue on important topics like this!

  3. KundaliniBri says:

    I was not excited about going back to work but I set up with my employer to work 32 hours a week. 2 days in the office, 2 from home. I luckily caught a downtime in my industry so this system has continued and my son is 8 months now. My mom takes one day a week, my husband (also on 32s but in the office 4 days a week) and we have a nanny for 2.5ish days.

    I now get paid for every hour I work from between 32 and 40 hours/week. With full benefits.

    Other moms in my office have asked for some other arrangements and have gotten them. They will not accept working from home full time though.

  4. Kelly Tompkins says:

    The only solution that worked for my family was for me to stay home. I tried working part time and while it sometimes seemed like the best of both worlds, it was also the worst of both worlds. My husband and I tried working opposite schedules, and that wasn’t good for our marriage. We love being together and missed having that time as a whole family.

    When we had a second baby and we found out our older 18 month old had autism, I left work. Our family baby sitter wasnt struggling and we couldn’t afford quality day care. It hasn’t been easy living on one income, but it is better than the alternative. I also love being home with my two littles, and have no problem leaving the work force.

    I wish there was better solutions. Longer maternity leave and more quality day cares that you don’t hand your whole pay check to every week.

  5. Child Daycare is the best and most trusted solution for your child when both parents are working. Yeah, a part time job will be the better option if you’re more concern about your child. Thanks for shring these all tips I loved all.

  6. You haven’t said anything we don’t already know, it is common sense and the rest is so impractical. Your introduction was unnecessarily long.

  7. 12 weeks is not a luxury! In Canada we get a year or 18 months. Our societies should care about the natural bond and time spent between mama and baby! At 8 months my baby is so fun and still needs me lots!

  8. Carolinesmom says:

    Another damn idiot with the “stranger” complex. If you have child care, they are not with “some stranger.” Get over it! Your child will meet “strangers” all the time in their life. It is often good for your child to spend time with someone else. It’s how they become unafraid of people, and how they are more adaptable.

    Further, be grateful you have options. Us single mothers HAVE to work. We have no options, unless we want to live on welfare. I have to go to the office everyday. I have to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads. I leave my child in the care of whomever will watch her. NOTHING ever happened. I get home from work and she is happy and playing.

    The whole “working from home” garbage is a sham. How can you work, give 100% to your job, while taking care of your kid? How? Either you don’t put full effort into your job, or you work weird hours like when they’re in bed!

    You overly clingy, needy parents have to get a grip! There is nothing wrong with a babysitter, or daycare. It isn’t about your separation anxiety. It’s about your child developing good social skills, being around other adults and children, while giving you some sanity.

    Be thankful you can make a choice to stay home. You will never have to experience what’s it’s like to struggle. Congrats!

    1. She’s sharing her story and experience that other moms can relate too. Not everyone will relate and obviously a majority of mothers in the United States will not because as you said, most don’t have the luxury. There’s space for everyone’s unique experience without bashing someone for sharing by calling them idiots or saying they don’t know what struggling is. They definitely don’t know your struggle but we all go through our own and can learn from and maybe even help each other. Let’s direct this feeling of animosity towards the policy makers of this country who are not supporting working mothers and their children in general. Keep on keeping on fellow sister. Xo