Inside: Struggling with the idea of sticking your baby in daycare full-time? These childcare solutions will save some serious money AND give you more time with baby.
My maternity leave ends in three weeks.
I realize a 12-week leave is a luxury that many don’t get because the U.S. sucks in that department.
But instead of feeling grateful for the time I’ve had at home with my squiggly little newborn, I find myself whining like a 4-year-old.
These images keep running through my head…
My baby girl smiling after she’s done eating, half asleep with milk dribbling out the side of her mouth…
Ducking into a lactation room to pump in between meetings, and gritting my teeth because why is my body being so damn SLOW? I have 5 minutes to wrap it up AND wash everything AND drop the milk off at the fridge AND get to my next meeting…
Reading Mouse Paint to Bailey for the 42nd time of the day, and her laughing like it’s the first…
Leaving her with a stranger in a roomful of other babies, knowing that when my baby is hungry or tired or just wants some reassuring cuddles, she might have to wait a while. No. She WILL have to wait a while…
Bailey’s perfectly content sigh that always comes midway through a nap in my arms…
Rushing to pick up my baby from daycare, so I can get home and have one hour (maybe) with her before she goes to sleep for the night…
A Rude Awakening
We know how important the bond is between a mother and a baby, but at the arbitrary milestone of 12 weeks (or 8, or 2) we act like that bond is a baton you can hand off to a stranger like it ain’t no thang. (Sometimes a poorly paid, undertrained stranger.)
Disclaimer: I’m NOT in any way suggesting all women should stay home with their babies and not go back to work. I applaud the moms and dads who do take on that job, but to each their own.
Me? I enjoy my office job, and I want to work. But there’s a disconnect between “Here, have 12 weeks off work so you can focus on taking care of your sweet new baby” and “Break time is over, beyotch, get your ass back to work.”
In the U.S., you’re lucky to have ANY amount of maternity leave paid for by your employer. But what about after that leave? A transition back into the workplace definitely isn’t baked into the system.
But Hey, You Got Options
- Option #1: Go back to work full-time, stick your baby in childcare for 50 hours a week (factoring in commute times), and savor your weekends. See above re: pumping, strangers, etc.
- Option #2: Switch to part-time work to dial back your work obligations. Keep in mind you probably won’t get a real price break on childcare that’s part-time versus full-time. Nannies are more flexible with time, but the cost of nanny care is a butttload higher than a daycare, so part-time nanny care won’t save you anything compared to full-time daycare. And if you have a part-time salaried position, unless you’re very strict with yourself, it’s easy to end up working just as many hours as you did when you were earning a full-time salary. Which means you’re making less money AND probably paying for full-time childcare. Still, you have the theoretical promise of more time during the week with your baby.
- Option #3: Quit your job and be a stay-at-home mom. It’s a big financial pill to swallow if you’re used to two full-time paychecks, but many people are able to make it work.
- Option #4: Set up opposite work schedules for you and your partner. Maybe the love of your life goes to work from 6 am to 2 pm, and you work from 12 pm to 8 pm, so you just have to figure out childcare for a couple hours a day. But you’ll be sacrificing quality time with your partner, which probably isn’t very healthy in the long run.
(Oops, I almost left out the best option: Have a nursery built next to your office so you can pop in whenever you want throughout the day.)
I don’t know what the solution is – better tax breaks for childcare, employers stepping up to help families, people writing more books, women having fewer babies?
But I do know this: News articles and statistics and policy proposals don’t matter much when you’re faced with the very real decision of what to do when your leave is over.
What I’m Doing – Plus 5 Creative Childcare Solutions
I’m switching to a part-time work schedule for the next three months or so. I hope I can be strong and say no when it’s necessary.
Part-time is the best option for me right now, but I find myself ravenous for stories of other childcare solutions.
The beauty of these childcare ideas is that you’ll save some serious money AND get more time with your littles.
(For tips on transitioning back to work, you’ll need 9 Secrets for a Successful Return to Work After Maternity Leave.)
1. Keep It in the Family
One of my friends is blessed to have lots of family in town.
She works part-time in the office two days a week. Her mom takes care of her kids one of those days, and her dad hangs with them the other day. The kids get to form a great bond with their grandparents, and my friend saves beaucoup money. No huge childcare bill every month? Sounds mighty nice.
2. Get a Nanny With Baggage
Rachel is Roo’s friend, and they each have a baby. Rachel comes to Roo’s house and watches the babies while Roo works. Roo pays Rachel, but it’s much more economical because Rachel is bringing her own baby to work so the hourly rate is lower than a traditional nanny setup. Rachel benefits because she gets to spend all day with her baby and make a little extra scratch while she’s at it.
Everybody wins! Especially the babies.
3. Bring Baby to Work
One mom I know uses a group work facility with an on-site daycare.
If she needs to focus on work for a couple hours, she pops into the co-working facility, drops her kids off in the daycare area, and gets down to business in the nearby (soundproof) work area. Mama doesn’t have to leave her workplace 45 minutes early to pick up her kids and then start the commute home because THE KIDS ARE ALREADY THERE WITH HER.
And if her littlest one gets hungry and needs to nurse, the daycare staff just call her over for a few minutes, and after that she gets right back to work.
4. Swap Your Baby
Some folks are starting babysitting co-ops with other families.
First, you find a few families with similar parenting philosophies. You could try a group of friends, church folks, neighbors. Then you swap babysitting when you need it. No money exchanges hands, but you use a point system to keep everything fair.
5. Share the Love
One couple I know works from home most of the time, and they both work part-time at 30 hours a week.
Dad works 7 am to 1 pm, and Mom works during the baby’s morning nap and again from 1 pm to 5 or 6 pm, depending on how good that morning nap was. If one of them needs to go into the office for a bit, the other watches the baby.
The best part? They don’t lose 1-2 hours of their day to commuting during rush hour – and they’re not paying for someone to watch their baby while they sit in traffic NOT working.
Want More?
Check out 9 Secrets for a Successful Return to Work After Maternity Leave.
Your Turn
What’s the best childcare solution you’ve ever heard of? Share your thoughts in a comment below!
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It always breaks my heart to hear the struggles of American moms like you, Kelly. Leaving your baby with anyone to go back to work is so painful – but at least Canadians like me have until 1 year – not weeks! No maternity leave, or such a short one – seems like an organized punishment for working moms. I wish there was something better for you.
I wish you the best on your transition, Kelly. I love the childcare ideas you’ve shared here. We did something similar – after my babysitter quit b/c my daughter cried too much – my friend, who was a sahm of 5 offered to watch her. I got to pay my friend, which helped her out too. Loved that!
Robin, one year sounds like HEAVEN! I don’t know why the US is so behind the times on this.
Thank you for the well wishes on my transition back.
It’s so cool to hear that you did something similar to Roo’s solution! What’s up with your babysitter quitting because your daughter cried too much??? Babies cry!
The babysitter was great on paper and she knew what to say. However, my gut told me she wasn’t right. But, I ignored my gut and told myself that it was just my first time mom jitters and that I just didn’t want to leave my baby with anyone. I have learned to give my gut say in decisions! She was burned out and rigid and lacked compassion. A great, but terrible, lesson for me: Listen to your gut – it has a sense your brain never will! :)
Robin – So, so true. We are interviewing babysitters this week…thank you for the very important reminder!
Renee, I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.
I did not intend to paint all childcare workers in that way. I’m sorry if that’s what you took from what I wrote. My statement was “We know how important
the bond is between a mother and a baby, but at the arbitrary milestone
of 12 weeks (or 8, or 2) we act like that bond is a baton you can hand
off to a stranger like it ain’t no thang. (Often a poorly paid, untrained stranger.)”
Then I linked to a Washington Post article with this quote: “A 2007 survey by the National Institute of Child Health Development deemed
the majority of operations to be “fair” or “poor”—only 10 percent
provided high-quality care. Experts recommend a ratio of one caregiver
for every three infants between six and 18 months, but just one-third of
children are in settings that meet that standard.”
But I can see how the word “often” especially may not be the best word choice, so I will adjust that.
I totally agree with you that there are some high quality child care centers out there! I’ve had my older daughter in one from the time she was a baby. But I do think there are a lot of low-quality child care options out there, and many moms end up choosing that because they just don’t have another option. The high-quality centers are often expensive and outside the realm of possibilities for many working moms who are barely making ends meet to start with.
Thank you again for stopping by to share your perspective. Please do come back to share more – it’s so refreshing to have an open and honest dialogue on important topics like this!
I was not excited about going back to work but I set up with my employer to work 32 hours a week. 2 days in the office, 2 from home. I luckily caught a downtime in my industry so this system has continued and my son is 8 months now. My mom takes one day a week, my husband (also on 32s but in the office 4 days a week) and we have a nanny for 2.5ish days.
I now get paid for every hour I work from between 32 and 40 hours/week. With full benefits.
Other moms in my office have asked for some other arrangements and have gotten them. They will not accept working from home full time though.
The only solution that worked for my family was for me to stay home. I tried working part time and while it sometimes seemed like the best of both worlds, it was also the worst of both worlds. My husband and I tried working opposite schedules, and that wasn’t good for our marriage. We love being together and missed having that time as a whole family.
When we had a second baby and we found out our older 18 month old had autism, I left work. Our family baby sitter wasnt struggling and we couldn’t afford quality day care. It hasn’t been easy living on one income, but it is better than the alternative. I also love being home with my two littles, and have no problem leaving the work force.
I wish there was better solutions. Longer maternity leave and more quality day cares that you don’t hand your whole pay check to every week.
Child Daycare is the best and most trusted solution for your child when both parents are working. Yeah, a part time job will be the better option if you’re more concern about your child. Thanks for shring these all tips I loved all.
You haven’t said anything we don’t already know, it is common sense and the rest is so impractical. Your introduction was unnecessarily long.
12 weeks is not a luxury! In Canada we get a year or 18 months. Our societies should care about the natural bond and time spent between mama and baby! At 8 months my baby is so fun and still needs me lots!
Another damn idiot with the “stranger” complex. If you have child care, they are not with “some stranger.” Get over it! Your child will meet “strangers” all the time in their life. It is often good for your child to spend time with someone else. It’s how they become unafraid of people, and how they are more adaptable.
Further, be grateful you have options. Us single mothers HAVE to work. We have no options, unless we want to live on welfare. I have to go to the office everyday. I have to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads. I leave my child in the care of whomever will watch her. NOTHING ever happened. I get home from work and she is happy and playing.
The whole “working from home” garbage is a sham. How can you work, give 100% to your job, while taking care of your kid? How? Either you don’t put full effort into your job, or you work weird hours like when they’re in bed!
You overly clingy, needy parents have to get a grip! There is nothing wrong with a babysitter, or daycare. It isn’t about your separation anxiety. It’s about your child developing good social skills, being around other adults and children, while giving you some sanity.
Be thankful you can make a choice to stay home. You will never have to experience what’s it’s like to struggle. Congrats!
She’s sharing her story and experience that other moms can relate too. Not everyone will relate and obviously a majority of mothers in the United States will not because as you said, most don’t have the luxury. There’s space for everyone’s unique experience without bashing someone for sharing by calling them idiots or saying they don’t know what struggling is. They definitely don’t know your struggle but we all go through our own and can learn from and maybe even help each other. Let’s direct this feeling of animosity towards the policy makers of this country who are not supporting working mothers and their children in general. Keep on keeping on fellow sister. Xo