This is the dime.
The dime I saw on the garage floor as I passed by with a trash bag in one hand and a baby on my other hip. The dime I did not stop to pick up even though I made a mental note to do it on my way back inside. And this is the dime my almost-3-year-old saw on the garage floor when she opened the door to see where I’d gone.
The dime that was enough of a distraction from the epic LEGO tower she’d been happily focused on building 60 seconds before I walked out the door. The dime she picked up before calling from the garage door to me at the edge of the driveway, “Look, mama! Money!”
This is the dime that made me run at gazelle speed back to where she stood. That was nowhere to be found when I got there. That made me shriek, “Where’s the money? Where’d you put the money?”
And this is the dime that made my toddler slowly open her mouth and point inside.
The Dime That Stopped My Heart
That made me float out of my body and see the scene from up above.
That turned me into an oddly calm version of myself I’ve never met before.
That had me calling the doctor’s office at 4:00 in the afternoon.
That the nurse said would pass and everything would be okay.
Relief, but then…But this is also the dime that made my toddler say, “I’m sleepy” – this from a girl who has never and would never admit to such a thing. That made drool run down her chin. That hurt her throat, she said. That had me calling the doctor’s office for the second time in 15 minutes.
And this is the dime that loaded us all – a mom, a toddler, a second-grader, and a baby – in the car during rush hour traffic to go to the hospital.
Because
This is the dime that was stuck.
The dime that they X-rayed. That they said wouldn’t pass on its own. That we had assumed would pass, so we would have sent her to sleep that night like normal – but they said the dime could have shifted and blocked her airway during her sleep.
This is the dime they said would require anesthesia to remove. That would put my child under. My baby.
The dime that made my eyes spill over. That made streaks down my face. That crushed my chest with guilt.
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And This Is the Dime That Set My Brain on Repeat
My brain on repeat, replaying that scene over and over and over again. The dime I didn’t pick up. The dime I walked right by because I was trying to check off a meaningless task in the to-do list for my day.
This is the dime lodged in my baby’s throat as they wheeled her away to the operating room. The dime that made her reach for me, her face crumpling as the strangers in blue clothes took her away from her mama and her daddy and her sisters. That kept me from going to her when she was scared and alone.
And this is the dime that made us wait.
Photo by Erich FerdinandAnd Wait. And Wait.
The dime that made us look around the waiting room at the children’s hospital. That opened our eyes to the pain and the fear of our fellow parents. That made us grateful for our babies’ health.
And this?
This is the dime that was in the surgeon’s hand as he walked toward us in the waiting room. That he held up to our eyes. That made him say, “Everything’s fine.”
The dime that let me breathe again. The dime in my hand as I walked into the recovery room to see her tiny body in a blue hospital gown, swallowed up by a huge hospital bed. And this is also the dime that gave my child three popsicles for dinner.
And as it turns out, this is the dime that’s worth $25,000. That’s still worth $5,000 even after insurance. High-quality insurance.
The dime that’s on a payment plan until 2018.
My brave girlThis Is the Dime I Keep in a Kitchen Cupboard
On a high shelf. The dime that reminds me to be vigilant but also to forgive myself when I fall short of perfection as a mother, which is every damn day. That says no to the crushing mama guilt.
And this is the dime that I will keep for the next 15 years until my child goes to college. The dime I will keep as she goes on dates and finds her footing in the world. The dime I will keep even after she gets married. The dime I will hang onto for all those years. All those years until she comes home with her own perfect baby.
This is the dime I will give my child when I come to meet my new grandbaby. And this is the story I will tell her.
I just haven’t decided yet if she’ll get a copy of the hospital bill, too.
Update: I first shared this story on my Facebook page earlier this year when everything happened. My daughter recovered quickly, and all is well. But I’m sharing this story again for two reasons: to remind myself of how quickly your world can turn upside down, and to encourage you to trust your instincts when it comes to the safety of your little ones. If I hadn’t trusted my instincts…I don’t even want to think about it. Listen to your gut, mama.
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Your Turn
Has your child ever swallowed a coin? Please share your story in a comment below.
The 5 Best Comebacks to “You Have Your Hands Full”
My brother’s “dime” was a nickel that closed his daughter’ airway.
Thankfully he was able to dislodge it before she suffocated.
These things happen without warning and without prejudice.
This is such a sobering but needed reminder.
Our “dime” can be a coin, or a quick text sent while driving behind the wheel.
Blink.
Life is forever changed.
Bekki, your words gave me chills: “Our “dime” can be a coin, or a quick text sent while driving behind the wheel. Blink.” So much yes.
I’m so glad your brother’s daughter is safe. <3
thanks so much for sharing – wonderful writing and made me tearful. Also makes me angry and sad for you that you live in the richest country on the planet and you have to pay for health care….even with insurance as you note. I am so proud to live in Canada – when my five year old son cracked his head open and we rushed to hospital for local anesthesia and three staples in his scalp we walked out without paying a dime. That ER was specially designed for children so he got a little helicopter toy from the nurses… Read more »
That sounds so scary, Anne! I’m glad your little guy got the best care possible.
And I have to admit this health care system makes me angry too!
Anne! I Felt thee EXACT Same way when I read the BILL?!?!;( I am also in Canada & enjoy the world class privilege of our healthcare system. I too share in your aggrevation towards the United States Healthcare System.. Just grinds my gears when I think of all the hospital trips we have had & the certain homelessness I would be facing if I had to pay that type of cost.:( HeartBreaking really… I too had my teen when 3 years old stuff a Christmas Craft Pom-Pom right up her nose & no successful tries at getting it out. We… Read more »
How wonderful to be part of a country that does not just say they care about its citizens. The healthcare in the US has to be amount the worst out of all the progressive nations. We now pay more for less coverage and because everyone now has a plan, whether paid out of our pockets or gifted by the government, hospitals and clinics that were once empty or busy but efficient, are now jammed packed for non-urgent incidents like the sniffles.
What once was a nominal co-pay now has a high co-pay with a bill mailed in a few days.
Hi Kelly – Thanks for sharing your story – I’m so glad your sweet little girl is okay! My daughter swallowed a quarter when she was 2 1/2. She was in my bedroom watching a TV show and I heard coughing. I went in there to see if she was okay and she was throwing up a little. She said something about money and I said, “Did you put the money in your mouth?” And she cried, “yes.” I frantically searched the carpet for the quarter but found nothing. My husband was out of town (he doesn’t travel often, but… Read more »
Oh, Erin. I felt like I was living those scary moments alongside with you as I read your words. Thank goodness your girl is safe and sound.
Oh god, both my kids are so damn mouthy – always have been. My daughter is 4 and should be past this, but yesterday she put a little bouncy ball in her mouth (why????) and I just lost my mind. It doesn’t help that my colleague just lost her 14 yo son after he choked on medicine of all things – a totally horrible, freakish accident that happened before her eyes. I think it’s wonderful that you kept the dime as the constant reminder of what could have been, and that accidents can and do happen.
Laura, oh my goodness. Your colleague must be beyond devastated. Sending thoughts of peace and strength her way. <3
Our “dime” was not a coin at all. Ours was a stick pin that my four year old son was playing with from my pin cushion, who’s pretty bright needle attached to a colorful end, got stuck sideways in my then almost two year old’s throat. She had seen her brother playing with them so she took a couple that he had dropped on the floor and put into her mouth. The first one came out easy and we too thought that was all. Then she started coughing and couldn’t stop even after drinking water ?, and began drooling. I… Read more »
Wow… too bad this post had to become political. Each country has their own advantages & disadvantages. But I’m sure glad to live in a country, the USA, that began with freedom at its base. What we have done do it, is on us. Nothing in world is “free.” And I would rather have freedom to choose over anything that I may be “given freely.”
Way to NOT make things political! Lots of us (myself included) live in free countries that also provide health care. I was born and raised in the US and now live in Australia and health care is the #2 reason I will never move back to the US. (The lack of gun control is #1. My children’s freedom to, you know, actually live – let alone live without fear – trumps anyone’s freedom to carry semi-automatic weapons.) I strongly suggest you travel a bit and broaden your horizons. The US does not have a monopoly on freedom!
I’m so glad your sweet baby is ok.
This story has me feeling anxious and wanting to search the house high and low for change. We have a two year old and an 8 month old.
My son was 2 and a bit. We were both sitting in the car buckled up waiting for my husband to deliver products to a client when all of a sudden my son started chocking on something. What was it, … I had no idea because he wasn’t eating anything. It was something not coming up or going down. I turned a 360 degree turn in my buckled up seat to try get what ever it was out of his throat. I touched it but it was probably just knocked it further into his throat. Now I tried to get… Read more »
Once again one of your posts made me cry! But in a healing way. My 2 yr old son ate a walnut, which we soon discovered he is deathly allergic to. Of course he ate it under MY care while I was trying to put my baby to nap. It was pretty traumatic for me and I now am in therapy for it. A new mom watching her first baby almost die is very painful. This post makes me feel better and reminds me that I am doing the best I can, and I need to stop blaming myself for… Read more »
My daughter called me at work one morning to tell me that something weird was going on with my 2 year old granddaughter. she kept coughing and sometimes around her mouth turned sort of blueish. I asked if she had drank some kind of chemical she said no, I asked if she could have swallowed a toy- she said she didnt think so and she seemed to be breathing ok. I asked her if she thought she should go to the Dr. she wasnt really sure. I got this same call every hour or so, so finally I told her… Read more »
Wow, so scary, Kelly. Gosh I can just imagine all the feelings you went through—guilt, fear, wondering “If I’d only done that…” Ugh. I’m so glad your little girl is okay, and that you listened to her words and took action. Talk about an expensive lesson to learn that kids really do put things in their mouths!
I swallowed a quarter when I was 7, it was scary and I never told anyone about it. Just reading this story makes me think what a big problem it could have been. I remember going to sleep that night and could feel it in my throat. I assume it passed safely…I’m still here 28 years later.so think about all those things that happen when your not looking and be grateful that if was going to cause a problem be glad you were there.
Glad to hear your son is ok but the US health system is truly broken.
Kelly I don’t think it is a guilt story. It is a reminder that these little ones for a few years do need vigilance from parents. No more dropping your purse wherever when you walk in the door. No more waste baskets with toiletries disposed in them on the open floor. And as a new grandmother if I hear “oh it will build up their immune system” when they chew on the dog toys I am going to scream. We didn’t have purell all over the house we didn’t have alot of todays convenience. Our kids played in the dirt,… Read more »
I am glad your daughter is doing well. My granddaughter swallowed what we thought was a quarter, because of the size of the metal that was in her stomach from the x-rays. 7 days later, a penny came out of her poop! Before we waited for it to pass, we immediately took her in for x-rays!! That is when we learned the coin had made it to her stomach. We followed the medical advise to wait and take x-rays in about 5 days. As long as she was active, we were told that all is well. Because of your experiences… Read more »