Last week, my 31-week ob/gyn appointment started off with me stepping on the scale.
I glanced at the number, and then I saw the nurse jot it down.
The recommended healthy weight gain during pregnancy is 25-35 pounds.
Total. For your whole pregnancy.
I’ll get back to the expert advice in a bit.
But first: Guess how much I’ve gained, with two months to go before this girl is done cooking.
Go On. Guess.
Forty pounds. Four. Zero.
I’d been feeling a little bit…softer around the edges during this pregnancy.
But I don’t weigh myself regularly at home, so I don’t keep close track. At my previous doctor’s appointments, I’d seen the number on the scale but hadn’t given it much thought.
This time was different.
This time, it was a ROUND number.
A nice, big round number to match my nice, big round pregnant body.
How Could This Happen?
As I sat in the room waiting for the doctor or midwife to come in, my mind flipped through the explanations:
- I’m older. Advanced maternal age, even!
- I didn’t get back to my pre-pregnancy weight before getting pregnant again.
- Oh, and there’s this thing where I never exercise and eat dessert every night.
I’m not sure why I’d be gaining weight like crazy?
Photo by Kelly Hunter
Let Me Back Up
My diet is actually decent. Lots of veggies and lean proteins.
On the dessert front: Sometimes my dessert after dinner is just a bowl of strawberries. Other times, it’s a scoop of ice cream.
Which probably isn’t the best choice, but hey – it’s exactly how I ate before pregnancy.
The real difference is exercise.
I’ve never had a super regular exercise routine. But I know for a fact that in the early days of this pregnancy, all forms of exercise immediately ceased.
And for a very good reason.
When I had a miscarriage last year, the first sign of trouble was spotting.
Do you know what happened when I went for a walk around the neighborhood when newly pregnant this go-round?
Spotting.
I gave it a rest for a couple days and tried again.
Spotting.
Gave it one more go a few days later.
More spotting.
Just from a leisurely walk in the neighborhood.
Logically, I knew going on a walk wouldn’t cause a miscarriage.
But I was trying to keep a little bean of a human growing inside me. At the sight of blood after every one of those walks, my heart raced and my eyes clouded with tears.
“No,” I’d whisper. “Please no.”
So That’s Why
When the midwife came into the exam room, we exchanged small talk and she sat on that little rolling stool.
“So,” she said. “Do you have any questions or concerns?”
I looked down at my belly. “Well, I’m a little surprised by the weight gain.”
She smiled. “I noticed that, too.”
We talked about age being a factor, and she asked about my diet.
Then: “What do you do for exercise?”
I swallowed. “Honestly? Nothing. Every time I exercise, I spot.”
“Even short walks?”
I nodded.
“Let’s take a look at your growth,” she said.
I laid back, and she measured my belly.
“I know the scale says you’ve gained 40 pounds, but I don’t see where you’re hiding it.”
“Trust me, it’s there,” I said.
She laughed.
Photo by Torsten Mangner“Here’s the thing,” she said. “You’re measuring right on track. And your glucose test came back negative, so I’m not worried about baby being too big.”
I struggled to sit up on the table, and she held a hand out.
“Spotting is never fun to see when you’re pregnant, but at this stage it’s less of a concern,” she said.
I nodded.
And I came up with a plan.
I’ll start walking, twice a day. If I see spotting, I’ll take a deep breath and tell myself not to worry.
We’re almost to the finish line, and I want to have the energy to enjoy every bit of it.
My midwife’s approach to the conversation was perfectly wonderful. Not pushy. Not judgmental.
She helped me make an informed decision based on my own situation instead of giving me a cookie-cutter answer focused on the number alone.
I was an equal partner in the discussion.
But after researching the issue more later, some of the expert advice on pregnancy weight gain just isn’t sitting well with me.
What You Need to Know About Pregnancy Weight Gain
What are the real dangers of gaining more than the recommended amount during pregnancy?
According to experts, these are the main concerns:
- You’ll be more uncomfortable with all that extra weight to haul around.
- You could develop gestational diabetes.
- You might have high blood pressure, which can lead to scary complications.
- Your baby could be big, making labor more difficult and possibly leading to a C-section.
- You’ll have your work cut out for you to lose more weight after the baby’s born.
But check out how the experts introduce this list of concerns:
“Here’s a look at the risks of gaining too much weight during pregnancy. Keep these in mind when you’re mid-craving, and it might be a little easier to put down those Oreos.”
RUDE.
Or this:
“When you’re pregnant, you get to eat as many donuts and French fries as you want, right? Wrong! You only need about 300 extra calories a day during pregnancy to support your baby’s growth and development. So you don’t need to be chowing down everything in sight!”
Photo by mihodaFor me personally, I have no signs of gestational diabetes, my blood pressure is consistently low, and my baby’s growth is right on track.
Leaving only concerns number 1 and 5, which are really just about my own convenience.
After talking to my midwife and reading up on the risks, I’m not concerned about my “high” pregnancy weight gain.
But you know what does bother me?
This jokey-haha stereotype of the lazy pregnant woman sitting on the couch eating Oreos all day.
For the experts to reinforce that is just unnecessary.
And it’s not just flippant comments in web articles. Some of my friends have gotten “the look” from their doctors when their weight gain has been even a little higher than the recommended amount.
You know the look. The one that assumes you’re eating a bag of Oreos with every meal.
Related: 7 Tips for Postpartum Clothes That Won’t Make You Look Pregnant
But Here’s the Thing
I chase a toddler around all day. A fiercely independent toddler who wants to investigate EVERYTHING.
And I am not alone.
We pregnant mamas work hard all day.
Some of us work from home with little ones in tow. Some of us haul our extra 20, 30, or 40 pounds into the office every day. And others are pregnant for the first time, trying their best to do everything right to grow a healthy baby.
We care about our babies, and we want the very best for them.
So don’t tell us to “put down those Oreos.”
Give us the information we need to make educated decisions about what’s right for our bodies and our babies, and treat us like the capable, caring, badass mamas that we are.
Download my FREE cheat sheet as a bonus for joining my newsletter: 16 Miracle Phrases to Help You Reconnect With Your Child
Want More?
Check out 6 Cheap Ways to Style Your Bump for tips on cute maternity clothes that won’t cost a fortune. Then bookmark this for later because you’ll need it: 7 Tips for Postpartum Clothes That Won’t Make You Look Pregnant.
Your Turn
What are your thoughts on pregnancy weight gain? Share in a comment below!
When Working Mom Guilt Strikes at Daycare Drop-Off
Sing it, sister! Great post – your health (blood pressure, etc.), your baby’s health, and how you’re feeling overall should be the real indicators of a healthy pregnancy…not necessarily weight gain. I will admit that I could clean up my diet A LOT during my current pregnancy, but after 3 months of feeling like I was going to throw up all the time from morning sickness while chasing my two other kids and working, I’m giving myself a break! Thanks for the great insight!
Weight gain with all 3 of my pregnancies was different. My first pregnancy was the easiest, I didn’t crave too much,I didn’t throw everything up, I was able to move around and keep a job where I stood and moved around all day up until 3 days before delivery. I gained about 40 pounds total there. My second pregnancy was rough, I vomitted constantly and gained almost no weight the first half of the stretch, however when the nausea went away I ate everything in sight! I gained about 35 with her. My third pregnancy I actually lost weight. I… Read more »
I loved this! I have gained way more than the recommended with each pregnancy. The first was the hardest, as I was with a midwife who made me right down EVERYTHING I ate. The weeks I ate the best, I gained the SAME amount. It was so frustrating! I also exercised like mad. My midwife’s take? My body tends to pack it on during pregnancy. I never had high blood pressure and passed my gestational diabetes tests with flying colors. But everything made me feel like I was doing something wrong. It sucked! I loved this post and appreciate people… Read more »
Awesome read! First time pregnant and I got weighed yesterday and didn’t cringe for the first time. For a while I was freaking out. This was a great and reasonable address to the weight gain issue.
What you wrote (health, 35+, etc) was the same with me for both of my pregnancies. 48,4 lbs (22kg) both times. Most of the weight was “hidden”. 😉 I lost all but 4 lbs before my 2nd pregnancy without trying.and I’m pretty sure I will lose it this time too, esp if I exercise more now after and leave the ice cream alone sometimes.
I’m in the same boat. I gained 19kgs with my first, 16kgs with my second and so far 16/17 with number 3 (I have 5 weeks left to go). With my second pregnancy my doc was on my case about the weight I was gaining, but no matter how hard I tried to watch my diet and exercise by hiking about in the mountains daily, I still gained the same amount. I finally ended up telling him that in my family we tend to gain more weight but it comes off easily afterward. He seemed a bit skeptical, but when… Read more »
I loved this so much. Seriously, if one more person looks at what I’m eating and says, “eating for two, eh?” I’m going to punch them in the throat. I’m 33 weeks with my second and have a toddler a couple months shy of two. I bring her to work with me 40 hours a week so no, I’m not going to the gym to do spin class. No, I’m not lifting weights. I consider it a friggin’ miracle when I manage to roll my exhausted-ass out of bed in the morning! I’ve had rough nausea and vomiting with both… Read more »
Yep, same here. I gained 50 with my first and second and am on track to do the same with my third as well. I do eat way too many cookies and not exercise, but I actually was really healthy with my first two, and it hasn’t made much of a difference. Thankfully my dr is smart enough not to say anything 🙂
just so you know – weight gain doesn’t cause gestational diabetes – and its extremely offensive to a pregnant women who does have gestational diabetes to insinuate that she somehow caused it by eating too much. maybe do some research before you spout off…there are risk factors, and being overweight BEFORE pregnancy is a risk factor for gestational diabetes – but you can’t eat yourself into gestational diabetes.
I was overweight (237.4 lbs) before I got pregnant and at my 19 week appointment I was below my pre pregnancy weight. When I asked my doctor about some scary chest pain he said “Well what do you expect? You weighed twice what you should have when you got pregnant.” He was rude and dismissive about my concerns. Up to that point I had loved my pregnant body, everything was getting smaller while my belly expanded. After that I just wanted to hide.
I gained 40-45# with most of my pregnancies. I’ve had 5. My second i actually only gained 30 and he was my smallest baby. I ate terribly with all of my pregnancies. Never really worked out either (besides chasing, dancing, playing with, picking up toddlers) Oh and that “Don’t you lose weight crazy fast with nursing? doesn’t apply to me. I hang on to 10-15# until my babies start taking solids. That’s more depressing i think. Lol!
Really loved this article, probably one of the best pregnancy articles I’ve read! I’m 35 years old and 37 weeks pregnant with first child and first pregnancy after a miscarriage last year, oh and 35lbs heavier than before I fell pregnant!
You made my morning 🙂
Thank you so much for this article. Being pregnant and surrounded by judgy in-laws, I’m glad to read what you wrote and stops me of feeling guilty. Lots of love from France
I love this post! With my first daughter, my first OB made me feel so incredibly horrible about my weight gain as he only recommended 20lbs!>=/ I was at the gym 4-5 days a week, watching what I ate and I gained 40lbs. With my second daughter, I wasn’t able to exercise nearly as much as I wanted due to sciatica & varicosities and gained 40lbs. Now with my 3rd, having worse pain and feeling soo huge! But actually seem to pretty much on track w/my other pregnancies but still feel really down about myself. This kind of helped me… Read more »
Thanks for this article. It’s making me feel batter about having the opposite problem. I am 26 weeks, and have actually lost weight from my pre-pregnancy weight. The doctor hasn’t said anything, but the nurse gives me dirty looks, especially because the baby is a low percentile right now.
I know this article was written awhile ago, but it really resonated with me. I’m a FTM and 22 weeks along, and have already gained 20 pounds (!) I was really active up until a few weeks ago, when a short cervix landed me a whole ton of activity restrictions. Now I’m working primarily from home and on near bedrest to avoid pre-term labor, and am worried about gaining even more weight (among other worries!) I led a fairly balanced diet until now — treating myself when I wanted but trying to stick to veggies and lean proteins on the… Read more »
Love this ????
Excuse the question marks … it was supposed to be emojis lol … but I heart this post so much thanks for sharing
I’m so glad I stumbled upon this post. I’m 38 weeks pregnant and have struggled through my entire pregnancy to keep my weight gain on track. I ran every day until I was 32 weeks (slowly, and not my normal distances, but still). After I had to stop because of pain in my pelvis, I walked every day instead. I tried to eat healthy, and in moderation, but I’ve been starving the entire time, and don’t think I’m binging. Through most of my pregnancy I was measuring high on the weight gain scale, but it’s tapered off now. I’m pretty… Read more »
Thank you so much for writing this! I agree t hat experts shouldn’t make us pregnant women feel bad for indulging. I could really relate, like you I eat lots of fruits and veggies and lean proteins, I actually eat healthier than I ever have so I always justify satisfying my sweet craving. I’ve always been a tiny person 120lbs or less and have gained 40lbs in my first pregnancy. Had my 36 week check up today though and no concerns!
Weight gain is an obsession of many expectant mothers. But, the good news is that your unborn baby is healthy and developing day by day. It is better to remember not to eat for 2 people. Just eat when you feel hungry and divide your meal into many sections. We are strong moms, right?
I would rather hear the truth if I really needed to put down the oreos
I love this, on my third pregnancy at week 21 and just realized I gained 20 lbs already, kind of shocked, but really have been eating better this pregnancy than my previous two and very little dessert. I work out 4-6 days a week and chase my kids. Going for a visit this Friday and get the ultrasound. Trusting I am doing great and trying not to stress, but it’s difficult.
My first pregnancy in 2016-2017, I ran 2-3 miles three to four days a week, walked our fur baby twice a day for a mile each walk— indulged a little bit- but not too much- and gained close to 65 pounds. I am pregnant with our second child now, I run 5-8 miles twice a week and strength train— am eating much better (translation indulging less) and am only four pounds less than what I weighed with my first pregnancy. I totally appreciate the “guidelines” of 25-35lbs, and I appreciate the “challenges” that MAY arise from excessive weight gain— but… Read more »
I couldn’t agree more with this. My first pregnancy I was in the middle of eating disorder recovery, trying to form a new relationship with food, and did not do well with pregnancy. I immediately quit smoking for the first time in about a decade, and worked with a dietitian who told me to eat what I felt like I could keep down and not track food or calories. I wish I’d taken different advice. With the combo of first trimester hunger and the removal of cigarettes, I put on 20 pounds in 3 months. I wasn’t allowed to see… Read more »
The first thing my midwife said when I reported being concerned about my weight which just skyrocketed now that I’m entering the 7th month after being so good, so balanced for the two first trimesters was: “no more treats, let’s eat soup at night, nice salads and cut all carbs (pasta, rice, bread, potato etc.)” all this while also saying “I’m not putting you on a diet” at the threshold of winter… It feels like a diet when all I ever snack on is almonds and nuts and hardly ever munching on them oreos 🙂 I’m 5foot tall so the… Read more »
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, and for providing this chance for so many of us to share and encourage each other in the process! I was personally very affected by my weight gain for my first pregnancy. I gained 37 pounds despite my best efforts to watch my diet and exercise everyday (exercise was also a big part of my life even before pregnancy). It doesnt help that Asian women don’t generally tend to gain too much weight in pregnancy (except me, I guess), so I stood out like a sore thumb and EVERYONE felt it was… Read more »