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12 Comments

  1. Kelly, this is wonderful! My girls have lost two sets of stepsiblings to their dad’s subsequent divorces. Fortunately, they’re twins and have each other, but this is all so hard for them. I love this idea of having a journal. My own version was strips of construction paper on which I wrote all the things I missed when the girls are away, to turn into a paper chain to celebrate their homecoming.

  2. missingmyboy says:

    I am so happy to be reading your blog and I hope you continue it! I lost custody of my son 3 months ago and since then it has been hell on earth for us. It has been over three weeks since I have seen him because of the wonderful family court system. What happened to us is book worthy. My son also happens to be 7. I am crushed and so is he, but I am staying strong. Your experiences are right in line with mine. This is such an uncommon situation I have found and it is very lonely. I am glad to hear that I am not alone. Thank you.

  3. Kelly, I sort of teared up reading this. You’re right—it’s always the kids who suffer the most because they’re still learning how to deal with their emotions. I have a few siblings who have joint custody with their former spouses, and it can be tough juggling all of that. Thankfully they seem to have a mature agreement and the kids are generally okay. I think writing it out is such a great technique for your daughter. Maybe even the younger one too once she’s older!

  4. Mrs Major Hoff (Sara) says:

    That’s really hard, and something I’d never thought about. Thanks for sharing, I will try to be more compassionate now that I am aware. One of those things that never came up, but is now blatantly obvious. Your daughters sound like great girls, love that they are such good buddies!

  5. Alyssa Moreorles says:

    I am so glad I found your page. I too live in Austin and am so moved by some of your posts. Thank you for this!

  6. Irishka Zalutsky says:

    Glad I stumbled across your page. I’m struggling with this every other week too, with TWO children, ages 7 and 4. My daughter (7) is in 2nd grade so I am going to start visiting her at lunch and see how that goes. My son isn’t in a place I can visit him, so I still have to miss him every other week, at least until he starts Kindergarten next school year and I can visit them both.

  7. Thanks so much for sharing. I’m heading into joint shared custody of my not quite 2 year old. She can’t write or even tell me with words how she’s handling the change. I’m hurting and scared. I’m also blogging about it at resilientmamablog.wordpress.com but right now I don’t feel very resilient. Still, it helps to read about other moms struggling even when they have a husband and other kids.

  8. Norman Salas says:

    Thank you Kelly for the beautiful article. It helps to know I am not alone. I am a divorced father with 2 small kids (a 3 year old girl named Gabby and a 7 year old named Sebastian). I have them 3 overnights per week. Its a 40/60 sharing. I miss them soooo much when they are not with me. I get into a major depressive moods at time. It’s been a year and half since the divorce and I still can’t get over them. I never will. I hate being a “part time dad” . I am scornful. I am bitter. I am so sad.

  9. TornHeartedmom says:

    I so appreciate the suggestions you’ve shared here. I’ll try to incorporate some into my life.
    My daughter is 14, and had lived with me exclusively up until last year before school started up again.
    Because I was a financial idiot, her dad (we’ve been separated for several years) took her to live with him, and now I’m paying an even bigger price with the loss of her. It was like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I haven’t been the same person since, and it’s killing me. I’ve been struggling as has she. We both have stomach illnesses, and migraines, as well as anxiety and depression. I’m heartbroken.
    Now it’s extremely hard to get time with her, as she’s got a 19 year old stepsister who has attached herself to my daughter, and I have no time alone with her at all anymore. Not to mention other friends.
    I don’t know when I’ll ever get her back, and don’t know if she even wants to. I think she’s been brainwashed by her SS.
    The separation wasn’t my doing, I never imagined he would betray me. But it’s done, and I’ve had to cope. Losing my daughter was something I never imagined either. I was not in the least bit prepared.
    I don’t know how, but I hope to get her back before the end of the year.

    1. I hope things have gotten better somehow for you.. I cried reading your ordeal. I have an almost 3 year old daughter to a narcissist ex and don’t see her for 3 days. I’m struggling at the moment. Reading your story has made me realise it may just get even worse as she gets older and her father has children with his son to be new supply (wife). Thinking of you…

  10. My daughter almost 11 and i have been doing this mommy daughter journal for couple years and its great! Shes gone every other week in the summer and it stinks. Worst of all she doesnt want to go which makes it hurt worse. She feels comfortable to open up about anything. Sometimes she write once sometimes everyday. Then i write back for her to read while shes gone. Hope this helps. Its nice know we are not the only ones.

  11. Thank you so much for the journal idea. My daughter is 7 and I think this will help her at nights when she wants me and needs to talk to me.