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  1. Tykika Q Walker says:

    Good evening Kelly, I would like to thank you for your words of encouragement tonight. I’m a mother of 3 who are my three heartbeats and I would give my life for them. However, I have been overwhelmed and tired trying to get through finals at school and keep to my kids schedule for instance drop offs and pickups from 4 different schools, helping and checking homework, read for 30 mins, prepare dinner, and study for my classes. I was running on empty and was feeling a little unappreciated. And I was finding myself a little irritable with my kids and was taking my frustrations out on them. But I really received your message tonight and going forward I will be practicing the powerful pause.

    1. I am so glad this tip helped!! Thank you for taking the time to leave a note of encouragement for us (:

  2. Thank you SO much for this! I grew up in a household similar to many others, where discipline came in the form of spankings, yelling, intimidation. Before becoming a parent, I was determined to be different. However, I have found that I tend to fall into some of those patterns, because I didn’t know any other way. But I don’t want to be that type of parent. I’ve heard parents saying things like you have to keep the fear there so they’ll listen, don’t be a pushover, etc. But I don’t want my children to be afraid of me. I want to be their safe place. I can see the hurt and fear in their faces when I yell at them and it breaks my heart. These are my babies, my life, my whole world and I never want then to doubt my love for them. I want them to feel it in every moment. So I truly can’t thank you enough for this post. I hope to see many more like this that can help me be the mom I want to be, the mom my babies deserve.

    1. Jess, I am so glad this spoke to you! I totally understand what you mean about falling into old patterns and breaking free and also the idea of having to have children be afraid of you. I worked in the research field for years and one of the most consistent findings was that positive, warm parenting leads to the best outcomes for parents and kids. It takes work — but being positive doesn’t mean being a pushover. You really can find your power to parent and truly teach in that pause.

    2. I relate to what you wrote so much! In fact, the mantra I chose while reading the article is “be their safe place”. From one frustrated momma trying to be better to another, I feel you.

      1. “Be their safe place.” What a powerful phrase. Thank you. I so want to represent safety for my child!

    3. This is so inspiring! It’s so hard not to lose patience and lash out at that thing being done *again*, even when we instinctively know it is throwing away the opportunity to actually help resolve the issue. A mantra is a great way to release some of that energy while gearing down to an effective state of mind. I’m going with “Be the example.” Thank you for writing this, Ashley!

  3. Wonderful read. It’s amazing how much can be gained from pressing pause. Absolutely love your mantra suggestions. Combining thought with action is powerful and this is a beautiful example of that. Kiddos follow our leads in so many situations, responding mindfully is so supportive.

  4. Sure! I think calm parenting is an art to be mastered!

  5. From a single mom of 4 to a grandmother of 6, this is a post I appreciate more than you know. What i should consider is this practice also applies to my life even more now that I have a beautiful, strong willed 30 year old special needs daughter and an emotionally impulsive 73 year old husband who knew no other way to communicate than to yell or become combative before we entered his life. Thank you for reminding me of a better way to deal with these stresses.

  6. I don’t comment on blogs often but this post caught my attention while I was on Pinterest and the advice is great. It wasn’t new to me, but something I really needed reminding of today. I shared this with my own followers on Facebook too.

  7. When you find you are about to lose it, walk away from your child. Not only does this prevent you from starting down the wrong path, it models for your child an appropriate response when they are feeling overwhelmed themselves.

  8. This was a good read! It is hard to not react immediately, but taking that pause helps identify what is really going on so it can be addressed appropriately!

  9. These tips are fantastic and very similar to what I use with my own kids. Mindful breathing and a
    ‘mommy time out’ to focus on my breathing an recenter helps tremendously.

  10. Very encouraging, have to find your own ways to calm down, what works for me is by looking in the mirror and say I’m ok three times it helps me go through tough times.

  11. Velda Wells says:

    OMG! Just reading this article calmed me, even though I was calm with no child at home. It all makes sense. I’ve been on training courses, read many articles, but this one hit it on the nail. Made notes and pinned it on my fridge. I’m always fighting with my child or reacting and not responding. Amazing advice. Thank you so much. I know what’s it’s like to get knotty inside and try to calm down and it does take immense concentration and energy to bring you back to reality before you loose it. Now to apply theory! Wish me luck. ?

  12. Thanks for the amazing tips and encouragement. It helps tremendously! Many blessings:)

  13. Thank you for words of encouragement! I love your message, and it truly speaks to me. I’m only adding the following insight to offer perspective- bc I truly believe your message deserves to be heard and employed by all.

    As a momma of 3, I found this helpful and wanted to share with my husband (who is a great daddy but could use these words of encouragement too!). Often times I find myself having to reinforce the perspective that both moms and dads should be equally accountable and held to the same standards (especially regarding parenting). Perhaps it is bc of my perspective that I noticed it only had mom examples. My initial excitement about sharing this with my husband kind of fleeted because I didn’t want to reinforce the idea (to him) that only moms need this advice and should be the only ones parenting. I know that for some this may be a trivial point, but for others (unfortunately) it makes a difference on the parenting front.

    Thank you again for your insight and words of encouragement.

  14. Elizabeth says:

    For a child’, who refuses any assistance 12 years old,they say no I am not dumb.when yin wish to help support them with things like wrong time on their phone,what’s another approach

  15. As I read this I could see so much of myself through your words. Struggling to be calm with kids is something I think we all could work on. I actually talk about it myself in my blog at Be sure to check it out and let me know what you think!

  16. Im so glad I’ve found this! Amazing tips!

  17. But what if after counting and saying your mantra calm doesn’t come? Many times the nagging feeling remains and doesn’t go away.

  18. Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences to help others .. I personally appreciate it !

  19. I have been implementing the powerful pause technique for some time now and it is amazing to see the positive impact it has had on my relationship with my children. Although it can be challenging, the results are definitely worth it.

  20. I find these tips to be fantastic, quite similar to what I use with my own kids. Engaging in mindful breathing and taking a ‘mommy time out’ to focus on my breath and recenter have proven tremendously helpful.