Parenting

30 Hidden Signs of Anxiety in Children That You Need to Know

Inside: Worried your child may have anxiety? Use this anxiety in children symptoms checklist.

One of my children was recently diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and I didn’t see it coming.

I knew my child struggled in certain situations, but I didn’t think she had anxiety.

That day we got home from the doctor’s office after hearing the diagnosis, I went straight to my closet, shut the door, curled up in the corner, and fell apart.

How did I miss it?

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, download a free checklist to help you watch for these hidden signs of anxiety in your child.

This Is Why

Months after my daughter’s diagnosis, I still feel guilty that I didn’t see the signs earlier.

The truth is that you never think it will happen to your child.

Maybe you’ve read about how anxiety disorders are one of the most common health issues for kids and adolescents these days…but that doesn’t apply to your child.

Sure, your child may struggle a bit in certain situations – maybe they have a hard time falling asleep at night or get extra nervous about tests at school or worry about making friends (and keeping friends) – but that’s just part of childhood, right?

30 hidden signs of anxiety in children + a child anxiety checklistPhoto by Capture Queen

But Here’s What I Learned the Hard Way

Every child experiences anxious feelings, so yes, that is just part of childhood. But sometimes, those anxious feelings are a sign of an underlying anxiety disorder.

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The Best Questions to Ask Your Kid Instead of “How Was Your Day?”

Inside: Stop asking your kid “How was your day?” because it doesn’t work anyway. Here are the best questions for kids that will actually foster a fun conversation.

Every evening at the dinner table, my husband and I used to fall into this age-old parenting trap.

“How was your day?”
“Fine.”

“What did you learn today?”
“Nothing.”

“Who did you play with at recess?”
“No one.”

But one-word answers don’t foster a good discussion, and they certainly don’t help us reconnect with our kids after a long day apart from each other.

And yet, it’s absolutely essential that we do reconnect because if we don’t, we pay the price later.

When we’re all feeling connected, the kids jump in to help clean up after dinner – without being asked. They pay attention the first time we ask them to brush their teeth and get jammies on. When we tuck them into bed, they’re all giggles and smiles.

But when we’re all feeling disconnected? We get less cooperation, more power struggles, and grumbles and grimaces at bedtime instead.

The best questions for kids that will actually get your child talking about their day

What If We Asked Our Kids Better Questions?

I realized I needed to solve the problem of one-word responses so we could have a family conversation that leaves everyone’s connection tank overflowing.

But as busy parents, we’re too exhausted to be creative and come up with questions to ask kids that will get a real, meaningful conversation going. So my first step was to find the best questions for kids that actually work at getting your kids to open up.

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The Best Way to Nurture Your Mother-Daughter Bond: 101 Fun Mom-Daughter Date Ideas

Inside: To nurture a healthy mother-daughter relationship, check this epic list of mother-daughter date ideas, with fun mother-daughter activities for every budget.

With four kids in our family, our daily responsibilities as parents take up most of our free time.

It starts from the minute we wake up, when my husband and I start planning out the day – Who’s picking up the oldest from school? What’s for dinner tonight? Do we have enough food for every kid to have a lunch that consists of more than a stale tortilla and three dried-out carrots?

While we figure all that out and more, my husband makes three bowls of oatmeal alongside his own, and I clean the toddler’s grubby high chair from dinner last night because I forgot and…is that an ant?!

We’re constantly in go-go-go mode just to get the bare minimum done, and that doesn’t leave much time for stopping to connect with our kids.

How to fit in fun mother-daughter activities when you're a busy parent

But That’s a Big Problem

A healthy connection with our kids is essential. Research shows that in order to have a healthy relationship, for every negative interaction, you need five positive interactions to balance it out.

For example, when I lose my cool over my toddler coloring on the walls, we need five positive interactions to balance that out, or our relationship will suffer.

But I don’t need the research to tell me that because I can see it for myself.

When my connection with my children starts to suffer, the result is more power struggles and less cooperation from them. And when the power struggles wear down my patience, I sometimes turn into an angry mom, which feeds the disconnection even more.

And then above all, my goal is to build a strong mother-daughter bond that will last a lifetime. As it turns out, a healthy mother-daughter relationship can be the strongest of all family relationships throughout your child’s life.

But it’s when my daughters are young that I must invest in a solid foundation for our relationship. If we don’t start out with a healthy connection now, it certainly won’t magically appear when they’re teenagers or adults.

Related: How to Stop Being an Angry Mom Now Using 5 Hair Ties {Printable}

Mother-daughter date ideas from toddler to teenager

Here’s the Solution…With a Catch

Nothing gets us back on track like some good quality bonding time, whether that’s reading our favorite picture books on the couch together or playing one of our quick family bonding games for an emergency dose of connection.

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Want to Raise Smart, Kind Kids? Science Says Do This Every Day

Inside: When it comes to raising smart kids who are kind, you need this powerful but simple habit. It’s completely free, it takes just 10 or 15 minutes a day, and anyone can do it.

As parents, we have big dreams for our kids.

We want them to be smart so they can go after what they want in life and have a reasonable chance of getting it. We want them to grow up to be kind, caring members of the community. And it would be nice if they also turned out to be the type of people who remember to signal before turns.

That’s a tall order. Especially when I consider the day a success if I remember to brush all my kids’ teeth twice a day.

And yet, now is the time to set our kids up for success in life. Short of morphing into a drill sergeant who fills every spare moment with flashcards and forced kindness, how can we raise smart and kind kids?

The secret to raising smart kids

Here’s the Good News About Raising Smart Kids

As it turns out, we have one magic “keystone habit” as parents that will help us raise smart, kind kids.

If you haven’t heard of keystone habits before, they’re an elite category of habits that kick off a chain reaction, influencing several areas of your life at once. In other words, you can focus on just one keystone habit, and you’ll experience several positive impacts. For example:

“Keystone habits explain how Michael Phelps became an Olympic champion and why some college students outperform their peers. They describe why some people, after years of trying, suddenly lose forty pounds while becoming more productive at work and still getting home in time for dinner with their kids.”
– The Power of Habit

The best thing about this particular “keystone habit” for raising smart, kind kids is that it’s completely free, it takes just 10-15 minutes a day, and anyone can do it.

To get smart, kind kids, you don’t have to sign your kid up for expensive tutoring or have twice-daily screenings of the movie Wonder.

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How Not to Be Disappointed This Mother’s Day

Inside: This Mother’s Day, you might not get the perfect gift. You might not get breakfast in bed. You might not even get a break from any of the countless things you do for your family day in and day out. But you need to hear this Mother’s Day message.

“Your greatest contribution to the universe may not be something you do, but someone you raise.” – Author unknown

Dear fellow mom on Mother’s Day,

The work of parenting is hard, and still we show up and give our kids the best of ourselves every day – no matter if we’re bone tired, battling a cold, or just in the mood to sit on the couch with a bag of Doritos and watch reality TV all day.

But instead, we wipe noses, we read “just one more book,” we help with science fair projects.

We worry about how to get them to eat more veggies, we (gently!) clean knee scrapes, we answer “why” a gabazillion times a day.

We play “I Spy” in the car, we make doctor and dentist appointments, we tuck them in at night again and again (and again).

We do all this and so much more.

And we don’t need much in return. We’re fueled mainly by hugs and an occasional “Thanks, Mom.”

A Mother's Day message from one mother to another

But I see you.

I know you’re doing your best.

Even if you slip up and yell once in a while. Even if you can’t always find the time to play with your kids. Even if you go to bed every night with a sink full of dirty dishes.

You’re trying to raise kind, responsible kids who will grow into well-rounded, happy adults, and sometimes that just doesn’t leave time for doing the dishes.

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How to Stop Losing Your Cool With Your Kids—With a Powerful Pause

Inside: The less regulated we are as parents, the more likely it is that we will react to our kids, letting their emotions overcome us. But this one little trick for calm parenting can make all the difference between reacting and responding, even when you’re exhausted.

My coffee cup was halfway to my mouth for that first sip of the day when the battle cries from the 5- and 6-year-old cousins drifted into my sister’s kitchen…

No, it’s MINE!
But I had it FIRST!
That’s not fair!
But I want it!

I sighed.

Then the 2-year-old shrieked, and I jumped up quickly, irritated before even entering the room. My body leaned forward, and my breath held tight in my chest. I went in hot.

And while I didn’t technically yell, my tone wasn’t much better. Maybe no one will get to have it if we can’t agree. Maybe we all need to take a break. Well, none of that is YOURS, actually, it all belongs to the 2-year-old.

Biting words. Fighting words. Words that certainly did not bring peace to the situation.

Looking into their faces with their furrowed brows and set jaws, I realized I was just reacting to their emotions instead of responding in a caring and constructive way. The opposite of mindful, calm parenting.

Bonus: Download a free cheat sheet of mantras for parents from Ashley, the author of this post and the mom behind the web site Nurture and Thrive.

When you find yourself doing the opposite of calm parenting

The Reason We Lose Our Cool As Parents

I’m a child development psychologist. I know reacting like that doesn’t teach kids how to regulate their own emotions. I know biting words don’t help kids learn how to resolve conflict. I know kids need connection in order to cooperate.

Calm parenting is a must for healthy childhood development. And yet, I still reacted to emotion with emotion. Why?

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