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20 Comments

  1. 52 pauses says:

    I LOVE this post, and will share it around. Good tips – one to stick on the fridge!

  2. Angela Pruess says:

    Love this article so so much and really resonates with my two highly emotional daughters. I really like that you included the physiological side of things and stress hormones…I think that really helps parents to ‘buy in’ to stepping back and being open to meeting the child’s needs first, which is not always an easy thing to do!

  3. We’re all human and deserve kindness and grace to ourselves and others. But offering reconnection, not only helps the child in the moment, it also teaches them an important life skill about giving grace to others. Thank you for this useful printable tool!

  4. It’s not only tweets we need help with. It’s teens and upward ….. my 18 yo son has anxiety issues as with severe eczema.. when we are in the throws of a “moment”, as I like to call them. I like him to know I am here for him.. I often say. ” I love you, please don’t ever feel your alone in this issue. We’re in it together. Your never alone. Love you mate!” I give him a hug and a kiss. He looks at me with sad eyes but he always knows he is loved..

  5. Hi Kelly, what a beautiful post! You sound like an amazing mother. Thank you for taking all the trouble to find these answers, backed by science, and share them with us.

  6. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your simple comment about stress hormones flooding one’s brain in the heat of a difficult moment surely just changed a part of my life. I think so many times in life, we can’t confront a barrier simply because we lack the awareness that helps us see the barrier for what it is. And I can tell that having you bring to my attention the stress hormone phenomenon that we all feel…and loathe…and often feel desperate to instantly get relief from – just having you point it out will help me in those moments; when the flood happens in my own brain, it will be easier now for me to avoid doing what we all probably do too often – wrench ourselves from the negative, yucky stress hormone feeling by making a regrettable, hurtful action toward the person on the other end of the difficult conversation at hand. And when that flood may be happening inside the person I’m interacting with, I’ll have the awareness to do the kinds of things you wrote about to alleviate discomfort and pressure and potentially diffuse what otherwise might have become an explosion. Thank you again.

  7. These phrases are great. I read intending to gain insight for future needs as well as maybe improve my relationship with my younger sister. I am also a primary grades teacher and was happy to find that I already use most of these phrases with my students! Great suggestions, my students usually respond positively to these prompts. My favorite is the apology from the adult to the child. They need to know everyone makes mistakes and is working on being better.

  8. I loved your post – such valuable information and such a good reminder! Thank you very much! :)

  9. thank you so much for sharing!

  10. Maria Gonzales says:

    OMGoodness!! What an “AHA” moment I just experienced. Thank you for sharing and educating this “Gramgram”. You have provided me with answers to questions I didn’t even know to ask. Had I learned this 30 years ago I could have saved my daughter so much anguish and heartbreak. By your description, my amygdala has been stuck wide open all these years, having taken on a life of it’s own. I hope it’s not too late to build that bridge to her, even though I feel like I’m the one on the island. I now understand that I have the tools and the materials needed to start building. Thank you!!

  11. In a world that is full of aggression, loving your child while you discipline is essential. We don’t have to be angry when we discipline to make it valid. We can calmly explain the why. Many times we expect our kids to know how to behave. We must explain to them each time. I often tell my kids, you didn’t know but now you do…so how can we handle this next time. It takes time and patience but it works!

  12. Christine says:

    Is there a cheat sheet to help reconnect a parent to adult children? Mine have cut me out of their lives with no warning or explanation. It’s been seven years now, my heart is broken beyond repair.

    1. Judy FIsher says:

      I am so sorry to hear. My oldest (22 years old) has pushed me aside because she is dating a jerk. I am trying to reconnect and would like to know how to do so.

  13. Mrs C Draper says:

    I have reinstated, (upon reading this article) from a sense/state of despair
    into a feeling of perpetual contentedness.

  14. Thank you for these phrases! They’re what I need as my kids get older.

    I also like a simple “Wow, that’s really frustrating!” or simply mirroring what my daughter told me (I know, you feel like you NEVER get to do x), even if it’s not an accurate statement. Just feeling heard helps all of us.

    Thanks again!
    Samantha

  15. I have a question about email.I have subscribed but haven’t received any email yet?!

    1. Hi Ljiljana! I double-checked, and the email system is showing your welcome email delivered and opened, so if you share an email inbox with someone else it’s possible they opened the email before you saw it. That will happen sometimes! Keep me posted if you’re still running into issues :-) Click here to contact me directly.

      p.s. Updated to add: I see what might have happened! Your same email address was subscribed with “gmil.com” instead of “gmail.com” so your first welcome email bounced and couldn’t be delivered. It looks like you figured that out already and re-subscribed with the correct email, so you should be good to go!

  16. Alex Mitchell says:

    Loved this and perfect timing after a gran passing

  17. SHANNON SMITH says:

    This is an excellent article for parents who may have been separated from children for several years military or any other life changing situations in which I have a 10 year old that I am re connecting with after 5 years. Her father and I are reconnecting at the same time. The advice works for us and I just have to say thank you.

  18. Kelly, I think you just saved my life and my relationship with my kids…Your tips are simply genius and I feel I finally found what works for me after years of unsuccessful attempts at being a mom who does not explode every other day…I am forever thankful and grateful. God bless you!!