10 Most Powerful Ways to Get an Emergency Dose of Family Connection
One night not long ago, we had the triple threat – three simultaneous emotional breakdowns from three of our kids:
- One girl had a bruised heart because of less-than-kind words spoken to her.
- Another kid was impatient for something she’d asked for and wasn’t getting fast enough in her opinion.
- And the toddler was just plain annoyed that while we talked her sisters through their emotional upset, she was getting absolutely zero attention.
The stress of the emotional firestorm got to me and my husband too, and we started speaking in short, clipped tones to each other. Part of that is because it’s impossible to speak in full sentences and be heard over a tantruming toddler and a sobbing preschooler. But it’s also just hard to keep a positive attitude when everyone else seems to be unhappy at the same time.
When big emotions swirl at high speeds through our family, I feel like crawling under the covers with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and loading up an old Buffy episode.
But I Learned the Hard Way
Ignoring a negative interaction only delays the inevitable. Because when you crawl out from under the covers, the deep rift between you and your child will still be there. It doesn’t magically disappear just because you tried to ignore it.
But a while ago, I came across a fix for this situation that actually is magic.
Science shows that to have a happy relationship in spite of the negative bits, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. If you have too few positive interactions to balance out the negative ones, you’ll end up with an unhappy, unhealthy relationship.
Which means that to repair your relationship with your child after a negative moment, you need five positive interactions to balance out the negative.
It’s called the Magic 5:1 Ratio, and it works because of the power of connection.
In fact, research shows that when it comes to the wellbeing of both parents and kids, quality moments of connection are most important of all.
Here’s the Problem
Research shows the bad mood of one person can bring down the mood of everyone else in the family.
In other words, when you have a disconnect with one child, that can throw off the mood of another child or your spouse – or even everyone in the family.
This means that sometimes, your Magic 5:1 Ratio efforts need to cast a wider net.
And so on that day when we were all grumpy and snippy with each other, I called out: “Emergency family meeting right now! Living room rug!”
I don’t do this very often, so it gets the kids’ attention. But they’ve also learned that what’s coming next is exactly what they’re craving in their moment of emotional upset.
How to Fix the Bad Mood of Your Whole Family
Nine times out of ten, when bad moods descend on our family, the root cause is that one person (or more) feels a lack of connection. Literally a dis-connect.
- My oldest felt a lack of connection with the person who said something unkind to her,
- My preschooler felt disconnected when her requests (and then demands) went unanswered,
- My toddler felt she was being ignored by everyone all at once,
- And my husband and I felt like the kids didn’t appreciate that we were trying to help them through a tough moment.
What every one of us needed most of all was a moment of healthy connection with someone we love to help us pull out of the nosedive. Followed by another and another until we hit the Magic 5:1 Ratio.
But in this situation, you don’t exactly have time for five positive interactions with each person who’s caught up in the emotional storm.
To get the whole family back on track, you need an emergency dose of whole family connection.
But how in the world can you get that connection for the whole crew all at once?
Family bonding games.
Related: How to Reconnect With Your Child: 10 Miracle Phrases {Printable}
10 Best Family Bonding Games for an Emergency Dose of Connection
When you have more than one child who’s upset at the same time, you can hit the reset button for everyone all at once by using one of these family bonding games.
My kids like to call this “Get the Grumpies Out.” When one of us realizes the collective mood is spiraling down, we pick one of our favorite family bonding games and get back on track.
But we’re always on the lookout for new family bonding games! So after you read through our favorites, will you do me a favor and leave your favorite family bonding games in a comment below? You’ll be helping other families reconnect after tough moments and have fun doing it.
And now for our favorite family bonding games…
1. Be a Copycat
- Ages: Toddler to elementary
- Time Required: 5-10 minutes
Kids love this game. You all gather together, and the first person does something wild and crazy with their body – like busting out 10 jumping jacks, doing a handstand against the wall, making a funny face or a funny noise, or something else. Then that person says, “Can you do that?” to the rest of the group, and everyone does their best copycat.
What’s great about this game is that it forces you all to tune into and pay attention to each other, one at a time. The perfect antidote to feelings of disconnection!
If you want some fresh ideas for this emergency connection game, the You Do!† game gives you 250 cards of silly things you can do.
2. Sit in a Circle
- Ages: Preschooler to teen
- Time Required: 5-10 minutes
For this one, you all sit in a circle facing each other. Then one person asks a question like, “What’s one thing you’re grateful for?” or “What would be the worst thing to eat in the whole world?” and everyone goes around the circle, taking turns answering the question. When that question is done, the next person gets to ask a question.
This encourages everyone to sit and listen to each other, and that goes a long way to healing bruised hearts.
For a list of the best questions you can use for this family circle time, grab this set of family conversation starters. We keep our conversation starter cards in a mason jar on the kitchen counter so it’s ready to go for the times we need an extra dose of connection.
We use these questions every night with our kids, and they’ve been a game-changer, helping us end every day feeling connected, loved, and happy. And what makes these conversation starters for families different from others is that they’ll get you more than the dreaded one-word answer from your kids.
3. Run to the Bed
- Ages: Toddler to teen
- Time Required: 5-10 minutes
For something a little more low-energy, I call out “Family Cuddle Time!” and we all run to the master bedroom and pile into the bed.
Something about the tight quarters of two adults, a 9-year-old, a 4-year-old, and a squirmy toddler all squished into one king-sized bed makes everyone giggle. And then as the giggles fade, deep breaths and sighs take their place.
The closeness and shared quiet is one of the best reset buttons you could hope for.
Related: The After School Routine for Busy Families That Will Make You Smile {Printable}
4. Hold a Surprise
- Ages: Toddler to elementary
- Time Required: 5 minutes
For this game, you start by holding out closed fists to one child and saying, “Pick one.”
Your child touches one fist, and you turn it over so they can open it. As they pry your fist open, you say, “It’s a…” and then pick something to surprise them with like a hug, a kiss, or something else fun.
For example, you might say, “It’s a…hug!” Then when your fist is open, pull your little one into a surprise hug. Guaranteed giggles.
Here are a few of our favorite surprises for this game:
- Hug
- Kiss
- Tickle
- Hair mess-up – Take your hand and mess up their hair
- Massage – Rub their shoulders
- Eskimo kiss
- Butterfly kiss
- Fist bump
- High five
But feel free to be creative and invent your own! Your kids might surprise you, too.
One night when putting my toddler to bed, she asked me to sing Mary Had a Little Lamb. When I finished, she asked for it again. I said no, she asked again, and I said no again.
Then she held out her little fists to me and said, “Pick one.” I picked a fist and opened it, and she said, “It’s Mary Had a Little Lamb!” How could I say no to that?!
Related: How Hugging Your Child Shapes Their Happiness for Life—Plus 20 Fun Hugs to Try {Printable}
5. Shuffle the Deck
- Ages: Toddler to teen
- Time Required: 10-15 minutes
Playing board games and card games is an excellent way to connect as a family, but many of the most popular family games take a long time to play.
Here are the best games for all ages that you can play in 15 minutes or less. What works well is to pick one game as your go-to game so you can learn the rules really well. Then when you’re all grumpy, nobody needs to refresh their memory on how to play.
- Sleeping Queens – This is our number one go-to family card game. The rules were simple enough for our preschooler to understand at the age of three, but the game still keeps everyone on their toes. We never get tired of this game! Plus, you can play a whole game in about 10 minutes. When it comes to family bonding games, this one’s perfect for getting in a quick dose of family connection before sending little ones off to bed.
- Age Range: 4 and up
- Time to Play: 10-15 minutes
- Number of Players: 2-5
- Rat-a-Tat Cat – In this game, you want to end up with the lowest possible point value, which means getting rid of the high cards (rats) and going for the low cards (cats). When you think you’ve won, call out “Rat-a-Tat Cat!” A game takes just 10 minutes, and it’s the perfect mix of silly, challenging, and fun.
- Age Range: 5 and up
- Time to Play: 10 minutes
- Number of Players: 2-6
- Love Letter – This strategy card game is so fun that as soon as you finish one game, you might find yourself wanting to kick off another one right away! The game play is simple, so it’s easy to learn and works with a wide range of ages. This is an all-time favorite for many families because it’s so quick yet still challenging.
- Age Range: 8 and up
- Time to Play: 5 minutes for a single round; 20 minutes for the whole game
- Number of Players: 2-6
- Sushi Go! – This card game takes just 15 minutes to play and is oodles of fun. Perfect for families who love sushi!
- Age Range: 5 and up
- Time to Play: 15 minutes
- Number of Players: 2-5
- Spot It! – My favorite part of this game is that it’s so portable. I can throw it in my purse so it’s handy for whenever we need an extra dose of connection while we’re out and about.
- Age Range: 3 and up for Spot It! Jr Animals and 123; 5 and up for Spot It! Classic
- Time to Play: 10-20 minutes
- Number of Players: 2-8
Bonus: All game orders placed in our family-owned shop get a $7.99 bonus credit after purchase to spend on instant downloads!
Sleeping Queens
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann
Related: Forget Candyland! This Is the Best List of Board Games for All Ages
6. Hide-and-Seek
- Ages: Toddler to tween
- Time Required: 10-15 minutes
A classic game of hide-and-seek for the whole family may be just what you need to chase the grumpies away.
My personal favorite is when our toddler “hides” and the rest of the family (older kids included) all pretend not to see that she’s sitting in plain sight. We all unite in our goal of protecting the magic of the game for her, even though she doesn’t have the hang of it quite yet.
Or if it’s more your speed, here are a few more quick games that will bring the whole family together:
- Duck Duck Goose
- Red Light, Green Light
- Mother, May I?
- Sardines
- Simon Says
7. Crank It Up
- Ages: Toddler to teen
- Time Required: 5-10 minutes
Next time you have a collective case of the crankies, fire up a song everyone loves and dance away the bad mojo. Research shows that young kids get a big dose of happy when moving their bodies to a rhythmic beat.
Not only will the movement help everyone’s moods, you’ll also burn a few calories. Which means you can skip working out, or at least skip feeling guilty for not working out. (You’re welcome!)
But did you notice how I said to fire up a song everyone loves? This emergency dose of connection won’t work if the song is a favorite for your kids but makes you want to destroy your eardrums with an apple corer.
Here’s a list of the best dance songs for kids – and parents too. Make a playlist ahead of time using that happy dance music for kids, and you’ll be ready for the next time Grumpelstiltskin comes to visit.
Related: 20 Best Kids’ Dance Songs With Clean Lyrics (And Loved by Parents, Too)
8. Draw a Secret Message
- Ages: Preschooler to tween
- Time Required: 5-10 minutes
Use your finger to write a message on your child’s back and have them guess what you wrote. You’ll connect through physical touch, and they’ll feel proud when they figure out the message.
For younger kids, you can draw shapes like a heart or a star. For older kids, try a simple “I love you,” silly words to make them laugh like “flimflam,” or commands like “jump” or “skip” that they have to act out.
9. Make Up a Story
- Ages: Toddler to tween
- Time Required: 5-10 minutes
Go around the table and take turns adding a sentence to a story. For example, the first person might start with, “Once upon a time, a girl decided to go on an adventure in the forest.” The next person might add, “What the girl didn’t realize is that the magical creatures of the forest were currently engaged in an epic battle.”
You’ll love hearing what your kids come up with!
If you’d like more structure with this family bonding game, pick up a set of these gorgeous Create a Story cards in our family-owned game shop. To play the card game, each player takes turns picking a card. The first person starts the story with “Once upon a time…” and then on the next turn, the next person picks a card and uses that as inspiration to add to the story. The stories we come up with as a family always leave us giggling. Even my toddler loves to play!
Create a Story Cards
“This little game is quick, easy, and fun! You pick a card, say “Once upon a time…”, and let your child fill in the details. Then you can ask follow-up questions like “and then what happened?” until they peter out. I love that this requires minimal brainpower from me when I’m tired (which is always) and my daughter LOVES coming up with the stories. Great for her imagination!” – Fiona
10. Play Keepy-Uppy
- Ages: Toddler to tween
- Time Required: 5-10 minutes
Blow up a balloon, toss it in the air, and then whatever you do—don’t let it touch the ground.
Prepare for giggles as you work together to keep the balloon in the air. To make it more of a challenge, you can turn on a fan or make a rule that you can use only your head to hit the balloon.
And who knows—your kids might just get a bonus lesson on tidying up their toys like Bluey and Bingo did.
Related: Why Your Kids Leave Toys Everywhere + How to Fix It With Toy Rotation {Printable}
Bonus: How to Reconnect After a Tough Moment With Your Child
After a negative interaction with your child, you need to reconnect through a positive moment or two so you can close the distance between you and your child. Because if you don’t close that gap and your child feels a lack of connection, that will lead to more unnecessary power struggles and less cooperation from your child when you ask them to do something.
But unfortunately, when your brain is flooded with stress hormones in the moment, it’s incredibly difficult to think of something fun and sweet to do with your child so you can reconnect.
Which is why I created these Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works when you need to reconnect. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to reconnect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond with your child. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting.
And in just 10 minutes a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.
Before you go, get my FREE cheat sheet: 75 Positive Phrases Every Child Needs to Hear
Your Turn
What are your favorite family bonding games? Share in a comment below!
I love this. Any ideas to turn it around when the kids are a little older like tweens? Some of these will still work for about another minute, but they will soon start to think I’m quite lame when I try these.
I suggest playing up the eye roll factor and lean into the silliness. For example, with copy cat game, “are you really going to turn down a chance to make fun of how silly your mom’s expression is?” or “are you turning down the chance to make your dad try the TikTok dance move you mastered?” One upping parents which is super tempting to my teen, even when it’s with the parents intentionally playing along. Or for the pick a hand, maybe throw in something they value when cuddles are rejected or play up the teen ickies to silly. Example, this hand is getting extra screen time or hand is I’ll paint your nails or hand is you can do my makeup/hair/outfit for dinnertime/next time they must be seen in public with you, or hand is to go outside and play their preferred sport with them for fifteen minutes even if you are horrible at it. Example for sillies, if you don’t want your hair mussed you better play chase now then let them mess up your hair after you intentionally lose the effort to tousle theirs. My teen’s mood lightens when winning even if it’s something small. Play up the how big of an eye roll can I get out of you. Permission for the teen crankies sometimes helps dissipate them.
Thanks for this list. Very informative.. I didnt know about the 5:1 ratio..
Great list. Copy cat is a great idea I hadn’t thought of. We definitely do family dance parties. One way to make it fun for everyone is to take turns choosing the song. Another tried & true one is to just go outside. Even if it just to sit on the porch or do nothing, being outdoors seems to calm everyone.
I love these ideas! My 3 boys love a game of Hug tag, although they are getting really fast and I have to work hard to catch them. Another little thing my kids love is the kissy elevator. Whenever they see my husband and I hugging, they will rush over and ask for a ride. My husband and I will lift them up (sometimes 2 at time) and we all smother each other in kisses. You can’t help but feel happy after a ride in the kissy elevator!
The list is amazingly long. I thought the only way to recharge emotional energy was cuddling. Thanks for great tips.
Hi Kelly, I read this article yesterday and used two of your games to play with my toddler today, the “surprise” one and “copycat”. I predicted my toddler would love them and she did, what i didn’t expect was how much I enjoyed our connection! Thanks for your article! By the way are the family conversation startera suitable for 3 year olds or should I wait a few more years?
It seems that parenting has never been harder than in this generation. Our busy schedules often mean that we do not have enough time to bond with our children. The information presented here is a gold-mine for every parent that has a busy schedule. The games suggested by the author are easy and practical.
I would love these seven ideas as a printable. Somewhere I can keep in the house. We need all the ideas we can get to remember to be goofy with our kids when they’re melting down instead of discipline!
These are so wonderful. Love them all!! Thank you SO much.
This is a great list, thank you so much!
What age were your kids able to do them? I feel like my 2 year old would just say “I don’t know” to a lot of them (copycat, circle conversations, etc)
I tried the surprise game with my 8 year old son. He chose a hand, it was a hug, he chose another hand, 50 kisses. He thought it was hilarious and it was so sweet to connect with him. It put us right on track to have a wonderful day together. I giggled to myself when I was alone that it really worked! Great advice mama!
I love the surprise game idea and family cuddles! These are great ideas, thanks for sharing.
Thanks I was struggling but now the way you explain from everyone point of view . I can gather my boys and try it .
Watching family photos or old videos of the kids together.