7 Most Powerful Ways to Get an Emergency Dose of Family Connection

Inside: Play one of these quick family bonding games for an emergency dose of connection. You’ll reset the collective mood and immediately reconnect as a family.

One night not long ago, we had the triple threat – three simultaneous emotional breakdowns from three of our kids:

• One girl had a bruised heart because of less-than-kind words spoken to her.
• Another kid was impatient for something she’d asked for and wasn’t getting fast enough in her opinion.
• And the toddler was just plain annoyed that while we talked her sisters through their emotional upset, she was getting absolutely zero attention.

The stress of the emotional firestorm got to me and my husband too, and we started speaking in short, clipped tones to each other. Part of that is because it’s impossible to speak in full sentences and be heard over a tantruming toddler and a sobbing preschooler. But it’s also just hard to keep a positive attitude when everyone else seems to be unhappy at the same time.

When big emotions swirl at high speeds through our family, I feel like crawling under the covers with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and loading up an old Buffy episode.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, download a free cheat sheet of 30 simple ways to connect with your child.

Photo by Donnie Ray Jones

But I Learned the Hard Way

Ignoring a negative interaction only delays the inevitable. Because when you crawl out from under the covers, the deep rift between you and your child will still be there. It doesn’t magically disappear just because you tried to ignore it.

But a while ago, I came across a fix for this situation that actually is magic.

Science shows that to have a happy relationship in spite of the negative bits, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. If you have too few positive interactions to balance out the negative ones, you’ll end up with an unhappy, unhealthy relationship.

Which means that to repair your relationship with your child after a negative moment, you need five positive interactions to balance out the negative.

It’s called the Magic 5:1 Ratio, and it works because of the power of connection.

In fact, research shows that when it comes to the wellbeing of both parents and kids, quality moments of connection are most important of all.

Related: Why Every Parent Should Know the Magic 5:1 Ratio – And How to Do It {Printable}

Here’s the Problem

Research shows the bad mood of one person can bring down the mood of everyone else in the family.

In other words, when you have a disconnect with one child, that can throw off the mood of another child or your spouse – or even everyone in the family.

This means that sometimes, your Magic 5:1 Ratio efforts need to cast a wider net.

And so on that day when we were all grumpy and snippy with each other, I called out: “Emergency family meeting right now! Living room rug!”

I don’t do this very often, so it gets the kids’ attention. But they’ve also learned that what’s coming next is exactly what they’re craving in their moment of emotional upset.

How to Fix the Bad Mood of Your Whole Family

Nine times out of ten, when bad moods descend on our family, the root cause is that one person (or more) feels a lack of connection. Literally a dis-connect.

• My oldest felt a lack of connection with the person who said something unkind to her,
• My preschooler felt disconnected when her requests (and then demands) went unanswered,
• My toddler felt she was being ignored by everyone all at once,
• And my husband and I felt like the kids didn’t appreciate that we were trying to help them through a tough moment.

What every one of us needed most of all was a moment of healthy connection with someone we love to help us pull out of the nosedive. Followed by another and another until we hit the Magic 5:1 Ratio.

But in this situation, you don’t exactly have time for five positive interactions with each person who’s caught up in the emotional storm.

To get the whole family back on track, you need an emergency dose of whole family connection.

But how in the world can you get that connection for the whole crew all at once?

Family bonding games.

Related: How to Reconnect With Your Child: 10 Miracle Phrases {Printable}

7 Best Family Bonding Games for an Emergency Dose of Connection

When you have more than one child who’s upset at the same time, you can hit the reset button for everyone all at once by using one of these family bonding games.

My kids like to call this “Get the Grumpies Out.” When one of us realizes the collective mood is spiraling down, we pick one of our favorite family bonding games and get back on track.

But we’re always on the lookout for new family bonding games! So after you read through our favorites, will you do me a favor and leave your favorite family bonding games in a comment below? You’ll be helping other families reconnect after tough moments and have fun doing it.

And now for our favorite family bonding games…

1. Be a Copycat

Kids love this game. You all gather together, and the first person does something wild and crazy with their body – like busting out 10 jumping jacks, doing a handstand against the wall, making a funny face or a funny noise, or something else. Then that person says, “Can you do that?” to the rest of the group, and everyone does their best copycat.

What’s great about this game is that it forces you all to tune into and pay attention to each other, one at a time. The perfect antidote to feelings of disconnection!

If you want some fresh ideas for this emergency connection game, the You Do! game gives you 250 cards of silly things you can do.

2. Make a Circle

For this one, you all sit in a circle facing each other. Then one person asks a question like, “What’s one thing you’re grateful for?” or “What would be the worst thing to eat in the whole world?” and everyone goes around the circle, taking turns answering the question. When that question is done, the next person gets to ask a question.

This encourages everyone to sit and listen to each other, and that goes a long way to healing bruised hearts.

For a list of the best questions you can use for this family circle time, grab this set of family conversation starters. We keep our conversation starter cards in a mason jar on the kitchen counter so it’s ready to go for the times we need an extra dose of connection.

We use these questions every night with our kids, and they’ve been a game-changer, helping us end every day feeling connected, loved, and happy. And what makes these conversation starters for families different from others is that they’ll get you more than the dreaded one-word answer from your kids.

Make these family conversation starters one of your go-to family bonding games for a quick dose of connection.

3. Run to the Bed

For something a little more low-energy, I call out “Family Cuddle Time!” and we all run to the master bedroom and pile into the bed.

Something about the tight quarters of two adults, a 9-year-old, a 4-year-old, and a squirmy toddler all squished into one king-sized bed makes everyone giggle. And then as the giggles fade, deep breaths and sighs take their place.

The closeness and shared quiet is one of the best reset buttons you could hope for.

Related: The After School Routine for Busy Families That Will Make You Smile {Printable}

4. Surprise Each Other

For this game, you start by holding out closed fists to one child and saying, “Pick one.”

Your child touches one fist, and you turn it over so they can open it. As they pry your fist open, you say, “It’s a…” and then pick something to surprise them with like a hug, a kiss, or something else fun.

For example, you might say, “It’s a…hug!” Then when your fist is open, pull your little one into a surprise hug. Guaranteed giggles.

Here are a few of our favorite surprises for this game:

• Hug
• Kiss
• Tickle
• Hair mess-up – Take your hand and mess up their hair
• Massage – Rub their shoulders
• Eskimo kiss
• Butterfly kiss
• Fist bump
• High five

But feel free to be creative and invent your own! Your kids might surprise you, too.

One night when putting my toddler to bed, she asked me to sing Mary Had a Little Lamb. When I finished, she asked for it again. I said no, she asked again, and I said no again.

Then she held out her little fists to me and said, “Pick one.” I picked a fist and opened it, and she said, “It’s Mary Had a Little Lamb!” How could I say no to that?!

5. Shuffle the Deck

Playing board games and card games is an excellent way to connect as a family, but many of the most popular family games take a long time to play.

Here are the best games for all ages that you can play in 15 minutes or less. What works well is to pick one game as your go-to game so you can learn the rules really well. Then when you’re all grumpy, nobody needs to refresh their memory on how to play.

• Sleeping Queens – This is our number one go-to family card game. The rules were simple enough for our preschooler to understand at the age of three, but the game still keeps everyone on their toes. We never get tired of this game! Plus, you can play a whole game in about 10 minutes. When it comes to family bonding games, this one’s perfect for getting in a quick dose of family connection before sending little ones off to bed.
• Sushi Go! – This card game takes just 15 minutes to play and is oodles of fun. Perfect for families who love sushi!
• Ruckus – The box says this card game is for ages 5 and up, but my preschooler can’t get enough of this game. In this matching game, you can steal piles of matches from other players, and that’s when the real fun begins. If you don’t have 20 minutes for a full game, just shorten it up by playing to a smaller number of points instead of the recommended 77 points.
• Create and Tell Me A Story – In this game, each player takes turns picking a card. The first person starts the story with “Once upon a time…” and then on the next turn, the next person picks a card and uses that as inspiration to add to the story. The stories we come up with as a family always leave us giggling. Even my toddler loves to play!
• Spot It! – My favorite part of this game is that it’s so portable. I can throw it in my purse so it’s handy for whenever we need an extra dose of connection while we’re out and about.

Related: Forget Candyland! This Is the Best List of Board Games for All Ages

6. Hide-and-Seek

A classic game of hide-and-seek for the whole family may be just what you need to chase the grumpies away.

My personal favorite is when our toddler “hides” and the rest of the family (older kids included) all pretend not to see that she’s sitting in plain sight. We all unite in our goal of protecting the magic of the game for her, even though she doesn’t have the hang of it quite yet.

Or if it’s more your speed, Duck Duck Goose is another quick game that will bring the whole family together.

7. Crank It Up

Next time you have a collective case of the crankies, fire up a song everyone loves and dance away the bad mojo. Research shows that young kids get a big dose of happy when moving their bodies to a rhythmic beat.

Not only will the movement help everyone’s moods, you’ll also burn a few calories. Which means you can skip working out, or at least skip feeling guilty for not working out. (You’re welcome!)

But did you notice how I said to fire up a song everyone loves? This emergency dose of connection won’t work if the song is a favorite for your kids but makes you want to destroy your eardrums with an apple corer.

Here’s a list of the best dance songs for kids – and parents too. Make a playlist ahead of time using that happy dance music for kids, and you’ll be ready for the next time Grumpelstiltskin comes to visit.

Related: 12 Happy Songs: Dance Music for Kids and Parents, Too

Download Your Free Cheat Sheet

This cheat sheet gives you 30 more simple ideas for bonding with your child. (This is especially important after tough moments because of the Magic 5:1 Ratio!)

1. Download the free cheat sheet. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to download and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Hang your cheat sheet somewhere handy like the fridge. You’ll actually get two versions of the cheat sheet, and you can use them a few different ways:
   • For the one that looks like a bingo board on steroids, you can cut out each square and put them in a jar. Then when you need an idea for connecting with your kid, pull out a random idea and do it. Or leave the whole thing intact and pretend you’re playing blackout bingo to see how many you can mark off over the course of a week.
   • With the list version, you can use the sections to help you try out a variety of ideas. Personally, I tend to rely heavily on words of connection, and I forget the more physical acts of connection. This version of the cheat sheet helps me remember to mix it up.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet – first the bingo version:

And here’s the list version:

Download now: 150 Family Conversation Starters That Will Unlock Your Child’s Heart

Your Turn

What are your favorite family bonding games? Share in a comment below!

Kelly Holmes

I’m a mom of four, a recovering perfectionist, and the author of Happy You, Happy Family. Parenting is hard enough without all the guilt we heap on top of ourselves. So let’s stop trying to be perfect parents and just be real ones. Sound good? Join my mailing list and as a bonus, you’ll get 25+ incredibly helpful cheat sheets that will ease your parenting struggles.