I’m one week past my due date, which means I’ve been pregnant now for 10 months and 1 week
I’ve heard of this “overdue” stuff happening, but I honestly thought I was in the clear. My first daughter was 10 days early, and on top of that my fiance and I are huge planners. How could any child of ours be LATE?
Well, she is.
At this week’s appointment, the midwife said, “She looks happy in there!”
First Rule of Fight Club
Abby’s birth taught me my first lesson of parenting
: YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL.
Got it. Check. Don’t
need that lesson a second time, I promise.
I actually have been pretty chill about when this little girl will make her appearance, but my appointment this week was a turning point. Because they scheduled my 42-week induction. It’s just a precaution to make sure we can get on the hospital’s schedule.
As my midwife put it:
“Our job is to roll out the red carpet. Don’t stress about it. We’re just putting a plan in place in case we need it.”
So until my water breaks all over that pretty red carpet, I thought I’d share my favorite ways to pass the time when you’re pregnant past your due date.
8 Ways to Pass the Time During an Overdue Pregnancy
This weekend, I ate two POUNDS of pineapple. I burned off the first layer of skin in my mouth, but I’m still pregnant.
Upon further investigation
, I found out you’d need to eat about seven whole
pineapples to have the desired effect. And make sure it’s fresh pineapple. Canning and juicing destroy the magical enzyme you’re after in the first place.
2. Puzzle It Out
A good way to distract myself, my fiance, and his mom from just sitting around every night and staring at my belly waiting for it to erupt? Jigsaw puzzles.
In the last couple weeks, we’ve finished two 550-piece puzzles, two 1000-piece puzzles, and a 1500-piece monstrosity.
If I don’t have my feet up ALL DAY, they swell to twice their size, and I look like I’ve contracted elephantitis. It’s a sexy feeling.
You can try
to cover up this sexiness by wearing socks and shoes and long pants, but then you’d have to bend over to put on your socks and/or tie your shoes.
Better to just sit a lot.
My doctor has since given me this fantastic piece of advice to reduce swelling during pregnancy
4. Stare At Yourself
Every time I walk past a mirror, I lift up my shirt and obsessively stare at these lines that just showed up on my belly last weekend.
Lines that look suspiciously like stretch marks.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?
I make it THIS far with no stretch marks, and NOW they show up?
Please tell me
there’s a drug or a procedure or a surgery that will get rid of those.
It’s supposed to encourage your body
to go into labor, and my body needs all the encouragement it can get.
My driveway has a steep incline, so by the end of the driveway I’m ready to turn around and head back. But I soldier on for a 20-minute walk, which so far has achieved nothing besides an increase in the size of my feet. (See #3.)
I’ve been having these 20-second panic attacks where the thought crosses my mind that she’s staying in there FOREVER.
7. Gear Up
No, I don’t mean gear up on baby must haves
. For this: When I wake up in the middle of the night because one hand is dead asleep and one hip has a shooting pain down to my foot, it’s time to roll over.
But I have to psych myself up for it. First I lay in bed and wonder whether it really hurts enough to roll over. It does.
Then I shake out my dead hand and stretch out my bottom leg. Side note: Stretching out the leg you are lying on top of isn’t very effective.
Still hurts. Time to turn over.
That’s okay, though, because I’ve perfected
the process. You just have to break down the rollover of your 35-pound bump into increments of one-sixteenths. With lots of huffing and grunting and grimacing. Don’t skip those because they definitely help get the job done. Or at the very least, they wake up your partner and garner some extra sympathy.
8. Say No – Or Become a Hermit
You’ll get a variation of this question approximately 732 times a day – via text, phone calls, Facebook, email, and of course in person:
“Still no baby?”
Make peace with saying no a lot. The folks asking are almost
as excited for that kid to be born as you are – they’re the ones who have to see your cankles, watch you waddle, and catch you staring at your bare belly in the bathroom mirror at work.
If you can’t appreciate their excitement and you fear that you may turn cranky the 731st time you get the question today, it may be better to just stay home.
Got a suggestion for how to get this kid out of there? Or the perfect distraction for being past your due date? Share your tips in a comment below.